I felt the urge to be more deliberate about memorizing Scripture today. I had no specific place to start so I just turned to 1 Corinthians since it's a pretty all-encompassing book as far as the Christian life goes. The first passage I saw underlined was 1 Corinthians 1:10, which says "Let there be no divisions in the Church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose." After writing it down several times I felt I had a good grasp on it, and the fact that I just wrote it out again from memory proves that it just might be creeping into my long-term memory. That's one verse down, 31,102 to go!
Anyway, after memorizing it I started to wonder how relevant that statement still is almost 2,000 years since it was written. Paul is often credited as the "Founder of Christianity." That sounded almost blasphemous to me the first time I heard that phrase, but then I thought about how much of the New Testament was written by Paul and how much he was responsible for building up the early church. It is the instruction of Paul that guides so many of the ways we preach, teach, and live to this day as Christians. To put it in other words, if Jesus is the blue-print then Paul is the contractor. With that said, it gives me pause to look at the "Church" around me here in America today based on this one simple piece of instruction Paul wrote to us several thousand years ago.
"Let there be NO DIVISIONS in the church." That's a simple enough statement with which we can evaluate our current condition. The only question is which "church" do we evaluate first? Should we focus on the Catholics or Protestants first? Or what about the Calvinists and Lutherans? I used to think it would be such an honor to have a sect of Christianity named after me like Luther and Calvin did, but not only do I think Simmonthian theology would never catch on, but I wouldn't want to be remembered for creating another huge division in the Church. Sadly the divisions go on and on thanks to the Baptists, Presbyterians, Methodists (who call themselves United Methodists but I spent a year interning with them and this certainly isn't the case), Pentecostals, Orthodox, Reformed, Reformed-Orthodox, Eastern Orthodox, Episcopalian, Anglicans, and finally the Non Denominational church who is indeed closest to Paul's instruction from an organizational standpoint.
Ok, so clearly we failed to listen to Paul's point about not making any divisions in the Church. Furthermore, we failed to live up to Jesus' prayer in John 17:23 that we "May experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me." Martin Luther King Jr. once said that the most segregated hour in America is 9am on a Sunday. The church was supposed to be the one place in the world where a person could find a true example of unity and instead it's become a symbol of our inability to coexist with people who are different than us.
The second part of Paul's statement gives us an even more challenging mission, to be of "one mind, united in thought and purpose." How could he ever expect people from varying economic and ethnic backgrounds to be united not only in thought but purpose as well. I can't even say that me and my own brother are united in thought or purpose so how could I hope to be united with strangers from all over the world in the way we think and the goals we pursue in life? Paul gave the church a goal that could only be accomplished with complete and utter reliance on the work of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit to move in people and pull off a miracle in human interaction.
We preach love, acceptance and unity all the while there's another church across the street that has a different name and congregation because we couldn't agree on how to take communion, or whether or not drums can be played in church or if people can have tattoos or not. We split up over the stupidest stuff and it makes us loose credibility with the secular world around us. C.S. Lewis once wrote that "what we disagree about most is the importance of our disagreements." I find such wisdom in that quote whenever I voyage into a theological dispute with another believer. If only the founding church fathers of yesteryear would have had the wisdom of C.S. Lewis to advise them then I believe we may not be in such a profound mess today.
I could go on and on about the reasons why we lack unity in the Church but I'll end it here with more of a positive note. I do believe we can attain the level of unity that Paul called us to, and the reason I believe it's possible is because Jesus prayed for it to be so. If it was important enough for Jesus to pray out loud and have recorded for us to read thousands of years later then I believe it must be a central part of every believer's life mission to unite the church. I don't know how we do it, but I can guess that it's going to take a whole lot more humility than we have in the church presently. We've got to come to the table thinking less about "You" and "I" and more about the greater "We". I believe it's possible. I believe I've seen a glimpse of this unity at Mosaic and it's the reason why the church attendance there is exploding. If Jesus can get all the crazy people that live in Hollywood to come together under one roof and move forward with a common mindset and purpose than it's possible to do anywhere!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
2 years and 30 miles west
It's funny how our world is in perpetual motion. Things never stop changing; they never stop moving forward. I look back just two years ago when my life was completely different and see a kid who has no idea what's about to come his way. I feel like if I ran into him at a coffee shop we would have hardly anything in common. There's nothing I would really be able to relate to him about because he wouldn't have these past two years. My every response would sound like "Yea, that's cool but then....happens." I don't know if I was innocent back then or just naive. No one could've ever imagined that two years and thirty miles west would change a life so much.
It's sad how many people say they were raised Catholic. They spend so much of their childhood doing something, then as soon as they have the freedom to choose for themselves they left it all behind. Maybe it's the institutions fault for not creating something that stands the test of time or prepares their followers for new experiences in life. I once spent 4 years building my life around an institution and the minute it was taken away from me I hardly knew where to go next or what to do with my life. I was like a toddler who was taught how to walk and talk then was left on the street corner to start his own life. It's hard to value something that you can't take with you and certainly doesn't stand the test of a lifetime in this world.
However, I can't knock my institution too much because it did reveal to me the one foundation that can help anyone survive the roughest of journeys that span at least 30 miles and last at least several years, and that one foundation is Christ. The only thing that me and that 2 years younger version of myself have in common is the understanding that no one makes it through this life unscathed and the only way to make it through the gauntlet of life is with the love, guidance, and support of our Father. While the me 2 years ago doesn't exactly understand why this point is so crucial, he will soon find out. As I think back I'm reminded of how blessed I was, and still am, to be so sheltered by His love. Things haven't been easy but I simply can't deny that I'm alive and well today because our Father loves to take care of His children. Some days that's easier for me to comprehend than others, but today I feel it ever so clearly.
It's sad how many people say they were raised Catholic. They spend so much of their childhood doing something, then as soon as they have the freedom to choose for themselves they left it all behind. Maybe it's the institutions fault for not creating something that stands the test of time or prepares their followers for new experiences in life. I once spent 4 years building my life around an institution and the minute it was taken away from me I hardly knew where to go next or what to do with my life. I was like a toddler who was taught how to walk and talk then was left on the street corner to start his own life. It's hard to value something that you can't take with you and certainly doesn't stand the test of a lifetime in this world.
However, I can't knock my institution too much because it did reveal to me the one foundation that can help anyone survive the roughest of journeys that span at least 30 miles and last at least several years, and that one foundation is Christ. The only thing that me and that 2 years younger version of myself have in common is the understanding that no one makes it through this life unscathed and the only way to make it through the gauntlet of life is with the love, guidance, and support of our Father. While the me 2 years ago doesn't exactly understand why this point is so crucial, he will soon find out. As I think back I'm reminded of how blessed I was, and still am, to be so sheltered by His love. Things haven't been easy but I simply can't deny that I'm alive and well today because our Father loves to take care of His children. Some days that's easier for me to comprehend than others, but today I feel it ever so clearly.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Before the Bullets
Since I first heard about the elementary school shooting in Connecticut I have saturated myself with all the accessible details of the shooting. Recently, a lot has come to light about the shooter himself. His name was Adam...No one has come forward that really knew him, they just know about him and that includes his own family. People have noted that he was an incredibly intelligent young man but very reclusive. Authorities have said that his parents were divorced several years ago and neighbors commented that his mother was very strict and overly controlling of Adam. Over the past 2 days there has been a collaborative effort from police, psychiatrists, forensic experts, and journalists to obtain information about this young man. I find it tragically ironic that this profound effort to find out what Adam was going through only occurred after 28 lives had been lost.
I can't express the sorrow I feel that people such as Adam Lanza, Jacob Roberts, James Holmes, Seung-Hui Cho, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold are only of interest to us once they committed heinous crimes that claim many innocent lives. I can't help but wonder who noticed that these boys weren't doing so well, or had become reclusive, or seemed troubled, or were dealing with family trauma and just went on about their business. It takes years of neglect and despair to build up the kind of helpless rage that allows evil to enter a person's heart, soul, and mind to the point that they can only express themselves through tragic loss of life. Why can't we be interested in these people's lives before they reach this fatal breaking point? Are our schedules really that demanding? Are our priorities really that far out of whack? Are we really that self-centered? God, I hope not.
We will spend hours reading about ruthless killers online, but we wont take 15 minutes to talk to the weird kid in the corner about what's going on with his life. There are 28 families, hundreds of children, and thousands of relatives, friends and community members that are reeling from one of the most devastating events that will ever unfold in part because no one cared enough to find out why the neighbor boy always looked so upset and never played with the other kids.
Look, I don't want to rant about who's to blame for this because ultimately Adam chose to pull the trigger and that's on him. However, I think it would be naive to turn this into a gun control issue when clearly there are an abundance of disturbed young men in this world who can't find the proper love, support and guidance to make it through this life without massacring a school, theater, or workplace and eventually turning the gun on themselves. We are all connected; we are all in this together. Our life choices affect everyone around us and we've got to stop thinking that "our life is simply our own" therefore we can carelessly move through it without regard for how we impact others, both positively and negatively. How is it that we are so captivated by anything with a battery and WiFi yet we neglect to see the most beautiful things around us; other human beings? We were made for human interaction. We need relationships and most importantly, we crave intimacy and when we go long enough without any of these things there's no telling what darkness will fill the void.
Let's start caring more for the people around us then the games in our phones. Let's prioritize relationships over our careers or monetary success. Let's begin to light up the darkness.
I can't express the sorrow I feel that people such as Adam Lanza, Jacob Roberts, James Holmes, Seung-Hui Cho, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold are only of interest to us once they committed heinous crimes that claim many innocent lives. I can't help but wonder who noticed that these boys weren't doing so well, or had become reclusive, or seemed troubled, or were dealing with family trauma and just went on about their business. It takes years of neglect and despair to build up the kind of helpless rage that allows evil to enter a person's heart, soul, and mind to the point that they can only express themselves through tragic loss of life. Why can't we be interested in these people's lives before they reach this fatal breaking point? Are our schedules really that demanding? Are our priorities really that far out of whack? Are we really that self-centered? God, I hope not.
We will spend hours reading about ruthless killers online, but we wont take 15 minutes to talk to the weird kid in the corner about what's going on with his life. There are 28 families, hundreds of children, and thousands of relatives, friends and community members that are reeling from one of the most devastating events that will ever unfold in part because no one cared enough to find out why the neighbor boy always looked so upset and never played with the other kids.
Look, I don't want to rant about who's to blame for this because ultimately Adam chose to pull the trigger and that's on him. However, I think it would be naive to turn this into a gun control issue when clearly there are an abundance of disturbed young men in this world who can't find the proper love, support and guidance to make it through this life without massacring a school, theater, or workplace and eventually turning the gun on themselves. We are all connected; we are all in this together. Our life choices affect everyone around us and we've got to stop thinking that "our life is simply our own" therefore we can carelessly move through it without regard for how we impact others, both positively and negatively. How is it that we are so captivated by anything with a battery and WiFi yet we neglect to see the most beautiful things around us; other human beings? We were made for human interaction. We need relationships and most importantly, we crave intimacy and when we go long enough without any of these things there's no telling what darkness will fill the void.
Let's start caring more for the people around us then the games in our phones. Let's prioritize relationships over our careers or monetary success. Let's begin to light up the darkness.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Catching Up to Katie
I recently read a book called Kisses from Katie written by a young woman named Katie Davis, who at the age of 18 went on a mission trip to Uganda and fell in love. Katie fell in love not with a handsome young man, but rather with a country and a nation full of people in need. After her senior year of highschool she moved permanently to Uganda and started caring for young, sick orphans, which soon sprang into a fully-funded non-profit that sends hundreds of impoverished children to school all while caring for their medical needs and providing meals for them throughout the week. Katie actually ended up adopting 13 young girls who were in the most desperate situations. Katie Davis has done all this by the stagering age of 23. I know Katie would probably rephrase that by saying "God has done all this through me", and that's just another testament to her extreme humility.
I was blown away by all that God has done through Katie. Her amazing heart and courageous attitude have opened a miraculous door to God's will in her life that I both admire and envy. Part of me wanted to up and move to Uganda and try to marry this girl, yet another part of me wanted to emulate what she has done in this crazy, mixed up town called Hollywood. I don't think I'll be starting any schools or adopting 13 kids anytime soon, but I do believe I could open my heart as she has done so beautifully to the plan God has for His followers.
However, so much of me still questions whether or not I will ever be of any use to God in this city. I feel unequipped to handle the weight of sin and the veil of misconceptions that Satan has worked so hard to wrap around this society. After finishing Kisses from Katie it seemed to me as if there is more hope for Uganda than there will ever be for Hollywood. Maybe it has to do with the whole "blessed are the poor, the meek, the mourners, the pure of heart, and the persecuted" that Jesus talked about during the Sermon on the Mount. There is hope for those people, so hope fuels Katie's mission. I, on the other hand, feel much more like I'm ministering to the city of Judah during Jeremiah's time as a prophet there. Judah was so far from God that He told Jeremiah on multiple occasions not to even bother with praying for the people of Judah (Jer. 7:16, 11:14, 14:11). God goes so far as to say to Jeremiah that "I will not let my pity or mercy or compassion keep me from destroying them." (13:14) That's a far cry from being blessed in every imaginable way.
Despite all these misgivings I have about ministry here, I cannot help but feel lead to at least try and facilitate some type of dynamic change in my community as Katie did. There is an undeniably great need for change here and a change that only a God who works through miracles can facilitate. When times of doubt and despair come along I cannot help but remember what the first days of this ministry felt like. I remember driving back from my first gig working on CSI:NY with the windows down blasting Frank Sinatra and feeling so hopeful about where God had brought me. The first few months went on like that and every deep conversation about Christ that occurred on set felt as though God had physically lead me to it. In contrast, I remember how all summer I was met with total despair and hopelessness as the task at hand seemed too daunting for any one man to conquer. Katie calls this one of the greatest lessons we must learn: "The tension between inefficiency and faithfulness". The contrast between feeling a distinct call to serve somewhere and the powerful feeling of spiritual uselessness that follows is a topic Katie is all too familiar with and describes eloquently in her book.
I can't put a price on the knowledge that my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ are going through the same thing as me. Katie's experience quelled a great number of the questions I had floating around in my head about whether or not I was in the center of God's will. At one point, she quoted Fredrick Beuchner who said "The place God calls us to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." I can't count the number of days where I have experienced a deep gladness to be working and serving in Hollywood. I'll be the first one to admit that sometimes the "deep hunger" here gets to be overwhelming, but at this point I wouldn't trade it for the world. I feel like if we aren't being overwhelmed by God's will from time to time then we probably aren't following God's will for our life. Katie also adheres to this belief as she writes "I believe that God totally, absolutely, intentionally gives us more than we can handle. Because this is when we surrender to Him and He takes over, proving Himself by doing the impossible in our lives."
How beautiful is that statement? It may not sound appealing if you live a comfortable life, but to those of us in the field taking fire from all directions, it comes across like sweet music to our ears. I know He will wear me down to my bones, but I can't wait to see how God shows up in my life to work miraculous signs and wonders here in Hollywood. I'm giddy with excitement for the day when I can look back on a life well served and well used by my Creator. I hope and pray that big things begin to happen soon, for I am indeed impatient when it comes to witnessing the glory of God here on Earth. While I know that everything happens in God's perfect timing, I'm still eager to catch up to the kind of work Katie's been doing.
I was blown away by all that God has done through Katie. Her amazing heart and courageous attitude have opened a miraculous door to God's will in her life that I both admire and envy. Part of me wanted to up and move to Uganda and try to marry this girl, yet another part of me wanted to emulate what she has done in this crazy, mixed up town called Hollywood. I don't think I'll be starting any schools or adopting 13 kids anytime soon, but I do believe I could open my heart as she has done so beautifully to the plan God has for His followers.
However, so much of me still questions whether or not I will ever be of any use to God in this city. I feel unequipped to handle the weight of sin and the veil of misconceptions that Satan has worked so hard to wrap around this society. After finishing Kisses from Katie it seemed to me as if there is more hope for Uganda than there will ever be for Hollywood. Maybe it has to do with the whole "blessed are the poor, the meek, the mourners, the pure of heart, and the persecuted" that Jesus talked about during the Sermon on the Mount. There is hope for those people, so hope fuels Katie's mission. I, on the other hand, feel much more like I'm ministering to the city of Judah during Jeremiah's time as a prophet there. Judah was so far from God that He told Jeremiah on multiple occasions not to even bother with praying for the people of Judah (Jer. 7:16, 11:14, 14:11). God goes so far as to say to Jeremiah that "I will not let my pity or mercy or compassion keep me from destroying them." (13:14) That's a far cry from being blessed in every imaginable way.
Despite all these misgivings I have about ministry here, I cannot help but feel lead to at least try and facilitate some type of dynamic change in my community as Katie did. There is an undeniably great need for change here and a change that only a God who works through miracles can facilitate. When times of doubt and despair come along I cannot help but remember what the first days of this ministry felt like. I remember driving back from my first gig working on CSI:NY with the windows down blasting Frank Sinatra and feeling so hopeful about where God had brought me. The first few months went on like that and every deep conversation about Christ that occurred on set felt as though God had physically lead me to it. In contrast, I remember how all summer I was met with total despair and hopelessness as the task at hand seemed too daunting for any one man to conquer. Katie calls this one of the greatest lessons we must learn: "The tension between inefficiency and faithfulness". The contrast between feeling a distinct call to serve somewhere and the powerful feeling of spiritual uselessness that follows is a topic Katie is all too familiar with and describes eloquently in her book.
"The happiness that gave me chilll bumps was as deep as my loneliness. My sense of certainty about being exactly where God wanted me was solid, but just as firm was the fact that I wondered at times what on earth I was doing here. The frustration that threatened to overtake me on some occasions was just as deep and true as the unbounded joy I felt at other times."
I can't put a price on the knowledge that my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ are going through the same thing as me. Katie's experience quelled a great number of the questions I had floating around in my head about whether or not I was in the center of God's will. At one point, she quoted Fredrick Beuchner who said "The place God calls us to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." I can't count the number of days where I have experienced a deep gladness to be working and serving in Hollywood. I'll be the first one to admit that sometimes the "deep hunger" here gets to be overwhelming, but at this point I wouldn't trade it for the world. I feel like if we aren't being overwhelmed by God's will from time to time then we probably aren't following God's will for our life. Katie also adheres to this belief as she writes "I believe that God totally, absolutely, intentionally gives us more than we can handle. Because this is when we surrender to Him and He takes over, proving Himself by doing the impossible in our lives."
How beautiful is that statement? It may not sound appealing if you live a comfortable life, but to those of us in the field taking fire from all directions, it comes across like sweet music to our ears. I know He will wear me down to my bones, but I can't wait to see how God shows up in my life to work miraculous signs and wonders here in Hollywood. I'm giddy with excitement for the day when I can look back on a life well served and well used by my Creator. I hope and pray that big things begin to happen soon, for I am indeed impatient when it comes to witnessing the glory of God here on Earth. While I know that everything happens in God's perfect timing, I'm still eager to catch up to the kind of work Katie's been doing.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Converting Satan
I have a problem. There is this nagging voice in the back of my mind that tells me I can save everyone no matter their disposition on faith. No matter if they're extremely violent, bitter, hateful, gay, or just lost in general; I believe with the right words or enough time spent together that they can be reached. I want to believe that somehow the light of Christ can break through whatever walls they may have spent a lifetime setting up and eradicate the darkness of their soul. Sadly, I'm beginning to think that there is a harsh truth I may have to accept which contradicts this hope I have spent my life nurturing.
When people get into heated discussions with me, some would call them arguments but I try to never argue because no positive change ever comes from an argument, they often say that I come across as unrelenting or even exasperating with my tireless pursuit of some type of resolve to the conversation. It may seem as if I want everyone to believe exactly what I believe, but that isn't true. I only want people to believe what I believe when I think that their beliefs cause them harm. I truly want what is best for everyone despite our differences because I believe that everyone impacts the world with how they handle themselves. If someone is "self-destructive" they are not just harming themselves but the community around them as well. It may not even be a community they themselves perceive but it is indeed there. I can't simply drive my car irradically down the freeway saying "It's my car and I can drive how I want! If I crash and burn it only hurts myself anyway!" Anyone who has been in a car accident and lost a vehicle or loved one to a careless driver knows that our mistakes often have profound ripple effects that travel unexpectedly through the world, even impacting complete strangers. It is for this reason that I want to evoke as much good in people as is humanly, or should I say divinely, possible.
Look at the impact that one cocky, pissed off angel had on humanity. Lucifer conned humans into letting Sin enter into the world and forever changed our destiny. He took with him God knows how many other angels who were at one time goodhearted followers of God and corrupted them into demonic figures who stalk the earth looking to terrorize human beings. Knowing myself, if I were in Heaven when Lucifer rebelled I would have been pleading with God to just let me talk to him for a bit, to let me hang out with him and get to know his side of the story, maybe play some basketball together or go see a movie and grab coffee afterwards so I could develop enough trust and credibility to speak into his life. I know this is foolish but I just can't shake this enduring hope, this relentless optimism that somehow God could use me to change even the vilest of beings.
I believe that there is a good inside everyone and everything God created that can all too often be severely repressed in our hearts. While I believe it can be repressed, I do not believe it can be extinguished. People usually lift up Hitler as one of those people who was so clearly beyond salvation. I think Hitler had a pretty screwed up childhood and that he developed a twisted comfort in hate rather than love at an early age that grew into total depravity. It's incredibly tragic how our neglect can cause enough pain in one person's life to inspire genocide years later. It is for this reason that I have to believe that Christ's enduring love poured out through us can cause and even greater impact on people's lives. I have to believe that. This life doesn't make sense if that isn't true and our God is not a God of true love if that's not true.
So this is the part where Scripture kind of rains on my hopeful parade...I know Jesus talks about there being one unforgivable sin, that being blasphemy against the Holy Spirit in Matthew 12:31. This fact is echoed throughout parts of the New Testament, such as 1 John 5:16 which goes so far as to say that we shouldn't even bother praying for people who have committed this sin. That's harsh to me, but it doesn't mean I disagree with it. It clashes with my soul because it means there are people in this life that will completely understand who Christ is and was and is to come, yet still be able to thoughtfully reject Him. The prime example of this, besides Satan and Hitler, would have to be Judas. I feel bad for Judas because someone inevitably had to be born as Judas in order to fulfill the prophecies made about Jesus. If we all cast lots before we were born into this world, then Judas drew the shortest possible lot and got the shaft where the sun don't shine. How sad to be so close to the Son for so long and be destined to never truly taste His love and grace, and instead suffer God's eternal wrath. Satan experienced the greatness of Heaven and still rejected it! How are these things possible?! What is it about our human nature (or angelic nature for Satan) that can be so corrupted that we can have Jesus right in front of our faces and still say "Get lost, I'm better off without ya." I know I'm supposed to turn my back on these kind of people and shake the dust from my sandals at them but I just can't do it. Maybe I need to be broken down a bit more until I'm jaded about humanity, but I find myself constantly praying for these hopelessly lost types.
As I end this discourse on reaching the unreachable I'm humbled by how Scripture constantly reminds us that we may feel justified in our questioning of the ways of the Creator but in actuality it is the most arrogant thing we can possibly do. Romans 19:17-22 says:
17 For the Scriptures say that God told Pharaoh, "I have appointed you for the very purpose of displaying my power in you and to spread my fame throughout the earth." 18 So you see, God chooses to show mercy to some, and he chooses to harden the hearts of others so they refuse to listen. 19 Well then, you might say, “Why does God blame people for not responding? Haven't they simply done what he makes them do?" 20 No, don't say that. Who are you, a mere human being, to argue with God? Should the thing that was created say to the one who created it, "Why have you made me like this?" 21 When a potter makes jars out of clay, doesn't he have a right to use the same lump of clay to make one jar for decoration and another to throw garbage into? 22 In the same way, even though God has the right to show his anger and his power, he is very patient with those on whom his anger falls, who are destined for destruction.
Echoing this point of view is Proverbs 16:4 saying "The Lord has made everything for His own purposes, even the wicked for a day of destruction." I don't know if I'm not allowed to pity the jars that were made to be thrown into the fire or not. It seems like a crappy deal to me, but who am I to question the will of an all-powerful, all-mighty, omnipotent God? I hope God sees my compassion not as dissent against His will but merely a love for what He created---all that He created. I'm trying to accept His will for creation day by day and not waste my time trying to convert Satan or save Judas from disaster, but it's more difficult than it seems; for how do we know who is really a 'Judas' or a 'Pharaoh' and not just someone who is extremely lost yet still retains the possibility of being saved?
Questions without Answers...That's as good a place to stop as any.
When people get into heated discussions with me, some would call them arguments but I try to never argue because no positive change ever comes from an argument, they often say that I come across as unrelenting or even exasperating with my tireless pursuit of some type of resolve to the conversation. It may seem as if I want everyone to believe exactly what I believe, but that isn't true. I only want people to believe what I believe when I think that their beliefs cause them harm. I truly want what is best for everyone despite our differences because I believe that everyone impacts the world with how they handle themselves. If someone is "self-destructive" they are not just harming themselves but the community around them as well. It may not even be a community they themselves perceive but it is indeed there. I can't simply drive my car irradically down the freeway saying "It's my car and I can drive how I want! If I crash and burn it only hurts myself anyway!" Anyone who has been in a car accident and lost a vehicle or loved one to a careless driver knows that our mistakes often have profound ripple effects that travel unexpectedly through the world, even impacting complete strangers. It is for this reason that I want to evoke as much good in people as is humanly, or should I say divinely, possible.
Look at the impact that one cocky, pissed off angel had on humanity. Lucifer conned humans into letting Sin enter into the world and forever changed our destiny. He took with him God knows how many other angels who were at one time goodhearted followers of God and corrupted them into demonic figures who stalk the earth looking to terrorize human beings. Knowing myself, if I were in Heaven when Lucifer rebelled I would have been pleading with God to just let me talk to him for a bit, to let me hang out with him and get to know his side of the story, maybe play some basketball together or go see a movie and grab coffee afterwards so I could develop enough trust and credibility to speak into his life. I know this is foolish but I just can't shake this enduring hope, this relentless optimism that somehow God could use me to change even the vilest of beings.
I believe that there is a good inside everyone and everything God created that can all too often be severely repressed in our hearts. While I believe it can be repressed, I do not believe it can be extinguished. People usually lift up Hitler as one of those people who was so clearly beyond salvation. I think Hitler had a pretty screwed up childhood and that he developed a twisted comfort in hate rather than love at an early age that grew into total depravity. It's incredibly tragic how our neglect can cause enough pain in one person's life to inspire genocide years later. It is for this reason that I have to believe that Christ's enduring love poured out through us can cause and even greater impact on people's lives. I have to believe that. This life doesn't make sense if that isn't true and our God is not a God of true love if that's not true.
So this is the part where Scripture kind of rains on my hopeful parade...I know Jesus talks about there being one unforgivable sin, that being blasphemy against the Holy Spirit in Matthew 12:31. This fact is echoed throughout parts of the New Testament, such as 1 John 5:16 which goes so far as to say that we shouldn't even bother praying for people who have committed this sin. That's harsh to me, but it doesn't mean I disagree with it. It clashes with my soul because it means there are people in this life that will completely understand who Christ is and was and is to come, yet still be able to thoughtfully reject Him. The prime example of this, besides Satan and Hitler, would have to be Judas. I feel bad for Judas because someone inevitably had to be born as Judas in order to fulfill the prophecies made about Jesus. If we all cast lots before we were born into this world, then Judas drew the shortest possible lot and got the shaft where the sun don't shine. How sad to be so close to the Son for so long and be destined to never truly taste His love and grace, and instead suffer God's eternal wrath. Satan experienced the greatness of Heaven and still rejected it! How are these things possible?! What is it about our human nature (or angelic nature for Satan) that can be so corrupted that we can have Jesus right in front of our faces and still say "Get lost, I'm better off without ya." I know I'm supposed to turn my back on these kind of people and shake the dust from my sandals at them but I just can't do it. Maybe I need to be broken down a bit more until I'm jaded about humanity, but I find myself constantly praying for these hopelessly lost types.
As I end this discourse on reaching the unreachable I'm humbled by how Scripture constantly reminds us that we may feel justified in our questioning of the ways of the Creator but in actuality it is the most arrogant thing we can possibly do. Romans 19:17-22 says:
17 For the Scriptures say that God told Pharaoh, "I have appointed you for the very purpose of displaying my power in you and to spread my fame throughout the earth." 18 So you see, God chooses to show mercy to some, and he chooses to harden the hearts of others so they refuse to listen. 19 Well then, you might say, “Why does God blame people for not responding? Haven't they simply done what he makes them do?" 20 No, don't say that. Who are you, a mere human being, to argue with God? Should the thing that was created say to the one who created it, "Why have you made me like this?" 21 When a potter makes jars out of clay, doesn't he have a right to use the same lump of clay to make one jar for decoration and another to throw garbage into? 22 In the same way, even though God has the right to show his anger and his power, he is very patient with those on whom his anger falls, who are destined for destruction.
Echoing this point of view is Proverbs 16:4 saying "The Lord has made everything for His own purposes, even the wicked for a day of destruction." I don't know if I'm not allowed to pity the jars that were made to be thrown into the fire or not. It seems like a crappy deal to me, but who am I to question the will of an all-powerful, all-mighty, omnipotent God? I hope God sees my compassion not as dissent against His will but merely a love for what He created---all that He created. I'm trying to accept His will for creation day by day and not waste my time trying to convert Satan or save Judas from disaster, but it's more difficult than it seems; for how do we know who is really a 'Judas' or a 'Pharaoh' and not just someone who is extremely lost yet still retains the possibility of being saved?
Questions without Answers...That's as good a place to stop as any.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Movie God
"I was born to do make movies. This is my essence, ya know? If I couldn't do this...I might as well blow my brains out."
Now, I knew my roommate was committed to making movies. It's all he talks about, all he thinks about, all that he stresses out about and dreams about. He is a self-diagnosed insomniac and spends most of his nights and early mornings watching films only to come in and out of mild sleep. Movies are his life. On top of all this, he tells me he is a fellow Christian. His name is Tom.
I like Tom, sometimes. He is boisterous, loud, charismatic, and a salesman if there ever was a salesman. He can pitch any idea or opinion, no matter how outlandish, with such confidence that you find yourself actually believing that there might be an inkling of valid reasoning or actual proof behind what he is saying. He'd be the first person to buy you a beer or welcome you into the house. I pity Tom with all my heart.
Tom recently finished production on a movie that he wrote, directed, marketed, and invested in with all of his time, energy, and money. It's called Nomad, it's a science fiction action movie, and it's absolutely terrible. Tom believed that this movie would allow him to break into the industry and begin his ascent into stardom as a major movie writer/directer, but sadly I'm beginning to believe that it will never happen for him. Last night we were having a discussion about his future and what he plans to do now that his film has still not sold (he literally has searched the globe for foreign and domestic film studios that would be willing to buy his movie). As we talked it became more and more apparent that becoming a successful director is all that matters to Tom. He mentions getting married and having a family but only in a flippant tone that pales in comparison to the excitement with which he discuss his dream career as a film maker.
Eventually it got to the point where I asked Tom what he would do with his life if he couldn't make movies. That's when I got the response I quoted earlier. I was shocked at the veracity of his statement. I simply shuffled back against the kitchen counter and half chuckled out "That's a little scary, Tom." He asked me what I meant and being that it was 2:30am in the morning and I'm already too honest with my opinions even when I'm well rested, I simply stated "Well, it sounds like movies are your god." That sparked an amusing dispute, to say the least.
I don't think Tom is used to anyone giving him such an honest opinion. I've only ever seen people agree with him or if they disagree with him then he just talks over them until they give a sigh of defeat and ask themselves "What's the point?" That to say, I think I startled Tom with such a heavy, loaded response. While my concern was for Tom's well-being it certainly must not have come off that way. He was caught off guard and once he was able to grasp what I said he jumped right on defense. I realize now that Tom has never been concerned with understanding what anyone else is saying; he merely waits to give his own opinion or correct your point of view (Proverbs 18:2). I know I was taking a certain liberty with my opinion that I may not have earned in Tom's life but that doesn't change the fact that all signs point to the fact that Tom spends his life thinking, working, and loving film yet occasionally professing this devotion to God. It's as if I were to say I'm a SF Giants fan yet I wear all LA Dodger's colors, I cheer for the Dodgers, and I discourage the way Giant's fans act.
People do this all the time. True faith equates change and evokes action. We can't claim to know God and yet do nothing for Him. People who claim to know God and yet live aimlessly are mistaken, for they simply know about God and have no clue about His amazing call on their life. They have no relationship with the Creator and you can watch how their life cracks and crumbles in ways that it would never do if there was the stability of Christ within them. One of the scariest passages in Scripture to me is Matthew 7:21, which says "Not everyone who calls out to me, 'Lord, Lord!' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven." I'm afraid for Tom and many others like him. I don't know for certain where Tom will go when he dies but I do know how he spends his time, how he talks about women, how he views money, possessions, and fame. I know that he knows a bit about God but I don't know if he knows God. I worry for him. I worry for many in this town who think they know what is of true value in this life. I wish I could realign everyone's perspective to see the importance of the Kingdom of God above all else (Matthew 6:33). I wish I could make movies that would make people realize that movies aren't God, money isn't God, and fame certainly isn't God.
Maybe someday...
Now, I knew my roommate was committed to making movies. It's all he talks about, all he thinks about, all that he stresses out about and dreams about. He is a self-diagnosed insomniac and spends most of his nights and early mornings watching films only to come in and out of mild sleep. Movies are his life. On top of all this, he tells me he is a fellow Christian. His name is Tom.
I like Tom, sometimes. He is boisterous, loud, charismatic, and a salesman if there ever was a salesman. He can pitch any idea or opinion, no matter how outlandish, with such confidence that you find yourself actually believing that there might be an inkling of valid reasoning or actual proof behind what he is saying. He'd be the first person to buy you a beer or welcome you into the house. I pity Tom with all my heart.
Tom recently finished production on a movie that he wrote, directed, marketed, and invested in with all of his time, energy, and money. It's called Nomad, it's a science fiction action movie, and it's absolutely terrible. Tom believed that this movie would allow him to break into the industry and begin his ascent into stardom as a major movie writer/directer, but sadly I'm beginning to believe that it will never happen for him. Last night we were having a discussion about his future and what he plans to do now that his film has still not sold (he literally has searched the globe for foreign and domestic film studios that would be willing to buy his movie). As we talked it became more and more apparent that becoming a successful director is all that matters to Tom. He mentions getting married and having a family but only in a flippant tone that pales in comparison to the excitement with which he discuss his dream career as a film maker.
Eventually it got to the point where I asked Tom what he would do with his life if he couldn't make movies. That's when I got the response I quoted earlier. I was shocked at the veracity of his statement. I simply shuffled back against the kitchen counter and half chuckled out "That's a little scary, Tom." He asked me what I meant and being that it was 2:30am in the morning and I'm already too honest with my opinions even when I'm well rested, I simply stated "Well, it sounds like movies are your god." That sparked an amusing dispute, to say the least.
I don't think Tom is used to anyone giving him such an honest opinion. I've only ever seen people agree with him or if they disagree with him then he just talks over them until they give a sigh of defeat and ask themselves "What's the point?" That to say, I think I startled Tom with such a heavy, loaded response. While my concern was for Tom's well-being it certainly must not have come off that way. He was caught off guard and once he was able to grasp what I said he jumped right on defense. I realize now that Tom has never been concerned with understanding what anyone else is saying; he merely waits to give his own opinion or correct your point of view (Proverbs 18:2). I know I was taking a certain liberty with my opinion that I may not have earned in Tom's life but that doesn't change the fact that all signs point to the fact that Tom spends his life thinking, working, and loving film yet occasionally professing this devotion to God. It's as if I were to say I'm a SF Giants fan yet I wear all LA Dodger's colors, I cheer for the Dodgers, and I discourage the way Giant's fans act.
People do this all the time. True faith equates change and evokes action. We can't claim to know God and yet do nothing for Him. People who claim to know God and yet live aimlessly are mistaken, for they simply know about God and have no clue about His amazing call on their life. They have no relationship with the Creator and you can watch how their life cracks and crumbles in ways that it would never do if there was the stability of Christ within them. One of the scariest passages in Scripture to me is Matthew 7:21, which says "Not everyone who calls out to me, 'Lord, Lord!' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven." I'm afraid for Tom and many others like him. I don't know for certain where Tom will go when he dies but I do know how he spends his time, how he talks about women, how he views money, possessions, and fame. I know that he knows a bit about God but I don't know if he knows God. I worry for him. I worry for many in this town who think they know what is of true value in this life. I wish I could realign everyone's perspective to see the importance of the Kingdom of God above all else (Matthew 6:33). I wish I could make movies that would make people realize that movies aren't God, money isn't God, and fame certainly isn't God.
Maybe someday...
Sunday, September 9, 2012
1899
So much has changed. A year's absence has produced growth in the most unexpected areas. New basketball courts, sand volleyball courts, a turf field and even new dining areas. Lord knows the food here hasn't been good since it started over a hundred years ago so hopefully this new addition will take APU to a whole other level.
I graduated from Azusa Pacific University on May 7, 2011. That makes it just about 456 days since I belonged here. Now I'm out of place. I am relegated to the alumni, labeled a "visitor" as I walk the halls of the place I called home for 4 years of the most pivotal time in my life. 4 years...Oh how 4 years seemed like a life sentence when I first crossed the threshold of Trinity Hall and unloaded my things into my new place of residence at 2nd North room #234. I knew not a soul yet mine would find its place here in these halls, classrooms, libraries, coffee shops, lawns, and chapels. The mural that was painted on the wall in 2nd North by one of the residents, my old friend Colin, still remains as tribute to all those who make that special part of Trinity their home and foundation for the rest of their time here at APU. I wonder where Colin is today...I wonder where most of those guys from 2nd North are now. Most are probably married. They'll have kids and neglect to tell them all the stories of the wild times they had in their freshman dorms.
I'm amazed at how well protected I was at APU. I never committed any of the carnal sins that young people away at college typically have the excuse to committ. I'm so thankful that my only serious trials were caused by making hard decisions to follow Christ in the best way I knew how. I wish I would have been more involved, but it's hard to conquer being shy when feeling lonely feels safer than being rejected. I look back on APU with fond reverence as a place so saturated in its authenticity and beauty that it sucks people in like quicksand to a life lead apart from risk and sacrifice. This place reminds me, like a slap in the face or a swift kick to the groin of the risks and sacrifices I've made. It reminds me of how I've met great success only to be humbled by great failure. It reminds me to never stop learning and most importantly to never give up on going after the unsure things in life. I start to wonder if is this place has changed at all or if what I feel is merely a reflection of how much I've changed since I began my journey here almost 5 years ago.
Is it wrong that I wish I could go back? Ecclesiastes 7:10 says "Don't long for 'the good old days.' This is not wise." I've always made fun of those who thought high school was the greatest time of their life, but this is different. At least, it feels different. Going to APU was like getting a deep tissue massage. When you tell someone you're going to get a massage they may think "Oh, that's so great!" or "Wow, you must be spoiled." But the thing about a deep tissue massage is that it isn't restful, it takes you way out of your comfort zone, and while there are fleeting moments of pleasure it typically hurts the entire time. Furthermore, you don't fully realize the benefit of the massage until way after you're done. I'm thankful for every knot APU helped my work out. Most of all, I'm thankful that APU showed me how to prevent the knots in the first place. It's a steep learning curve once you exit the protection of scholarly halls and classrooms filled with knowledge, guidance, and support. I thank God for where I am, where I've been, and where I'm going. Thanks to all those who have helped me along the way and who will hopefully continue to help me along this mysterious new path. God knows I need as much help as I can get!
I graduated from Azusa Pacific University on May 7, 2011. That makes it just about 456 days since I belonged here. Now I'm out of place. I am relegated to the alumni, labeled a "visitor" as I walk the halls of the place I called home for 4 years of the most pivotal time in my life. 4 years...Oh how 4 years seemed like a life sentence when I first crossed the threshold of Trinity Hall and unloaded my things into my new place of residence at 2nd North room #234. I knew not a soul yet mine would find its place here in these halls, classrooms, libraries, coffee shops, lawns, and chapels. The mural that was painted on the wall in 2nd North by one of the residents, my old friend Colin, still remains as tribute to all those who make that special part of Trinity their home and foundation for the rest of their time here at APU. I wonder where Colin is today...I wonder where most of those guys from 2nd North are now. Most are probably married. They'll have kids and neglect to tell them all the stories of the wild times they had in their freshman dorms.
I'm amazed at how well protected I was at APU. I never committed any of the carnal sins that young people away at college typically have the excuse to committ. I'm so thankful that my only serious trials were caused by making hard decisions to follow Christ in the best way I knew how. I wish I would have been more involved, but it's hard to conquer being shy when feeling lonely feels safer than being rejected. I look back on APU with fond reverence as a place so saturated in its authenticity and beauty that it sucks people in like quicksand to a life lead apart from risk and sacrifice. This place reminds me, like a slap in the face or a swift kick to the groin of the risks and sacrifices I've made. It reminds me of how I've met great success only to be humbled by great failure. It reminds me to never stop learning and most importantly to never give up on going after the unsure things in life. I start to wonder if is this place has changed at all or if what I feel is merely a reflection of how much I've changed since I began my journey here almost 5 years ago.
Is it wrong that I wish I could go back? Ecclesiastes 7:10 says "Don't long for 'the good old days.' This is not wise." I've always made fun of those who thought high school was the greatest time of their life, but this is different. At least, it feels different. Going to APU was like getting a deep tissue massage. When you tell someone you're going to get a massage they may think "Oh, that's so great!" or "Wow, you must be spoiled." But the thing about a deep tissue massage is that it isn't restful, it takes you way out of your comfort zone, and while there are fleeting moments of pleasure it typically hurts the entire time. Furthermore, you don't fully realize the benefit of the massage until way after you're done. I'm thankful for every knot APU helped my work out. Most of all, I'm thankful that APU showed me how to prevent the knots in the first place. It's a steep learning curve once you exit the protection of scholarly halls and classrooms filled with knowledge, guidance, and support. I thank God for where I am, where I've been, and where I'm going. Thanks to all those who have helped me along the way and who will hopefully continue to help me along this mysterious new path. God knows I need as much help as I can get!
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