Catching Up to Katie

I recently read a book called Kisses from Katie written by a young woman named Katie Davis, who at the age of 18 went on a mission trip to Uganda and fell in love. Katie fell in love not with a handsome young man, but rather with a country and a nation full of people in need. After her senior year of highschool she moved permanently to Uganda and started caring for young, sick orphans, which soon sprang into a fully-funded non-profit that sends hundreds of impoverished children to school all while caring for their medical needs and providing meals for them throughout the week. Katie actually ended up adopting 13 young girls who were in the most desperate situations. Katie Davis has done all this by the stagering age of 23. I know Katie would probably rephrase that by saying "God has done all this through me", and that's just another testament to her extreme humility.  

I was blown away by all that God has done through Katie. Her amazing heart and courageous attitude have opened a miraculous door to God's will in her life that I both admire and envy. Part of me wanted to up and move to Uganda and try to marry this girl, yet another part of me wanted to emulate what she has done in this crazy, mixed up town called Hollywood. I don't think I'll be starting any schools or adopting 13 kids anytime soon, but I do believe I could open my heart as she has done so beautifully to the plan God has for His followers.

However, so much of me still questions whether or not I will ever be of any use to God in this city. I feel unequipped to handle the weight of sin and the veil of misconceptions that Satan has worked so hard to wrap around this society. After finishing Kisses from Katie it seemed to me as if there is more hope for Uganda than there will ever be for Hollywood. Maybe it has to do with the whole "blessed are the poor, the meek, the mourners, the pure of heart, and the persecuted" that Jesus talked about during the Sermon on the Mount. There is hope for those people, so hope fuels Katie's mission. I, on the other hand, feel much more like I'm ministering to the city of Judah during Jeremiah's time as a prophet there. Judah was so far from God that He told Jeremiah on multiple occasions not to even bother with praying for the people of Judah (Jer. 7:16, 11:14, 14:11). God goes so far as to say to Jeremiah that "I will not let my pity or mercy or compassion keep me from destroying them." (13:14) That's a far cry from being blessed in every imaginable way.

Despite all these misgivings I have about ministry here, I cannot help but feel lead to at least try and facilitate some type of dynamic change in my community as Katie did. There is an undeniably great need for change here and a change that only a God who works through miracles can facilitate. When times of doubt and despair come along I cannot help but remember what the first days of this ministry felt like. I remember driving back from my first gig working on CSI:NY with the windows down blasting Frank Sinatra and feeling so hopeful about where God had brought me. The first few months went on like that and every deep conversation about Christ that occurred on set felt as though God had physically lead me to it. In contrast, I remember how all summer I was met with total despair and hopelessness as the task at hand seemed too daunting for any one man to conquer. Katie calls this one of the greatest lessons we must learn: "The tension between inefficiency and faithfulness". The contrast between feeling a distinct call to serve somewhere and the powerful feeling of spiritual uselessness that follows is a topic Katie is all too familiar with and describes eloquently in her book.

"The happiness that gave me chilll bumps was as deep as my loneliness. My sense of certainty about being exactly where God wanted me was solid, but just as firm was the fact that I wondered at times what on earth I was doing here. The frustration that threatened to overtake me on some occasions was just as deep and true as the unbounded joy I felt at other times."

I can't put a price on the knowledge that my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ are going through the same thing as me. Katie's experience quelled a great number of the questions I had floating around in my head about whether or not I was in the center of God's will. At one point, she quoted Fredrick Beuchner who said "The place God calls us to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." I can't count the number of days where I have experienced a deep gladness to be working and serving in Hollywood. I'll be the first one to admit that sometimes the "deep hunger" here gets to be overwhelming, but at this point I wouldn't trade it for the world. I feel like if we aren't being overwhelmed by God's will from time to time then we probably aren't following God's will for our life. Katie also adheres to this belief as she writes "I believe that God totally, absolutely, intentionally gives us more than we can handle. Because this is when we surrender to Him and He takes over, proving Himself by doing the impossible in our lives."

How beautiful is that statement? It may not sound appealing if you live a comfortable life, but to those of us in the field taking fire from all directions, it comes across like sweet music to our ears. I know He will wear me down to my bones, but I can't wait to see how God shows up in my life to work miraculous signs and wonders here in Hollywood. I'm giddy with excitement for the day when I can look back on a life well served and well used by my Creator. I hope and pray that big things begin to happen soon, for I am indeed impatient when it comes to witnessing the glory of God here on Earth. While I know that everything happens in God's perfect timing, I'm still eager to catch up to the kind of work Katie's been doing.