Sundance Review #3

This will be my third and final review of films at Sundance. I cannot believe how fast this week has gone. I finally took a nap this afternoon from 2-4 and it was heavenly. My only regret about his week is that I didn’t have more time to do so in the middle of the week. To say that my only regret is that I didn’t sleep enough tells you that this trip has been an absolute blast. I’m thoroughly convinced about the power of storytelling to shape how we think about our own lives, the lives of everyone around us and our entire culture. Stories are the foundation of ministry, and movies are the most popular forms of modern day parables. One of our professors earlier in the week said, “Parables are an affliction to the comfortable, and a comfort to the afflicted.” That pretty much sums up my experience at Sundance.

The Green Prince was the only documentary at Sundance that really fell short of my expectations. It’s an incredible story about the relationship between a secret service agent from the Israeli Shin Bet and his undercover Islamic, Palestinian operative. It’s basically the story of a spy and his handler who come from two completely opposite sides of the conflict in Israel. The spy, also known as the Green Prince, is the son of the leader of the terrorist/activist group called Hamas. He goes to work for the Shin Bet once he realizes that Hamas is not all that it says it stands for and begins suicide bombing many different parts of the Middle East. Eventually the Israeli agent is fired for getting too close to the Green Prince and breaking protocol, so they both end up leaving their original mission of bringing down Hamas. The Green Prince came to America and actually converted to Christianity while the Shin Bet officer became a lawyer. It’s an amazing story, but all the documentary showed was just close ups of the character’s faces while they told the story. There was no action or movement or comedic relief, it was monotone the whole time. It was as if the teacher from Ferris Bueller’s day off told you the story.  This was the only film I would say was “bad” at Sundance.

Son of God is the new Mark Burnett film about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I don’t have much to say about it because it’s just a compilation of the 4 Gospels. I liked what they did with it, even the some of the freedom they took with the film. It opens with John on the island of Patmos looking back on his days with Jesus and how Jesus was there all along throughout history. They did a good job of making Jesus a little tougher than he’s been before, but I would have still liked a bit more fired in his eyes. They did opt to go with a stunningly handsome Jesus (if I may say so myself), which is always slightly off-putting to me because it feels like typical Hollywood. Otherwise, it’s relatively flawless in executing 2 hour, entertaining depiction of the complete life of Jesus. Obviously some stories are missing, but I believe it will be a great tool to start conversations throughout the world with people who aren’t familiar with the details of Jesus’ whole life.

Rudderless this was the last film I saw and my favorite of the festival! It will probably become one of my all time favorite movies, especially as an acoustic guitar playing, singer-songwriter who just got into doing open mic nights.

(WARNING! SPOILERS TO FOLLOW- and this film will be in theatres this year sometime)

The story is about a man named Sam who is a suave businessman who is distant from his wife and son. One day, Sam’s son Josh tragically dies in a school shooting. Sam starts drinking heavily and ends up losing his job and moving into a boat on a lake to escape the community filled with memories of his son. One day Sam’s wife drops off a box of Josh’s stuff, including a guitar and a bunch of CD’s that his son recorded of the songs he wrote. Sam begins learning his dead son’s songs and eventually starts performing them at a local bar’s open mic night where he catches the attention of a squirrely young man named Quentin who dreams of being a musician.  Quentin falls in love with the Sam’s songs and stalks him to his boat to repeatedly beg him to collaborate with him. Eventually he wears Sam down and they start performing together. Quentin slowly starts integrating other local musicians into their group and they form a band called “Rudderless”.

Their band becomes a huge local success and they start headlining at the bar they frequented. Sam’s boldness helps Quentin conquer his stage fright while Quentin’s passion to play more and more helps Sam get to know the son he never had via his songs.

(THIS IS WHERE THE SPOILER HAPPENS)

As Rudderless becomes a local sensation, they get invited to play at a huge festival in town. The morning that they are to perform, Josh’s old girlfriend confronts the band and tells them the truth about where their songs came from. It turns out that Sam’s son was the school shooter who shot 6 college students before ending his own life. Quentin feels betrayed and cancels their appearance at the festival. The dissolution of their band finally forces Sam to confront his feelings about his son and allow himself to grieve properly. Sam then reaches out to Quentin and encourages him to keep going and stop hiding his talents and passions just because he feels betrayed by Sam. Quentin had sold his guitars to a local music shop and Sam found them and returned them to Quentin, but with a twist. Sam bought Quentin his dream guitar that he would visit often throughout the film, and with this peace offering, Quentin starts up the band again and begins playing his own original music.

The movie ends with Sam returning to the open mic night he started at and performs the last song his son ever wrote, but never finished. Sam opens by telling everyone who he is, who his son was, and how the song came to be. In a beautiful finale, Sam plays his son’s last song about finding hope and love in a very broken world and finally stops hiding from who he truly is.

I’m telling you, this soundtrack will be amazing whenever it comes out. They were beautiful anthems filled with symbolic and often comedic imagery. Every time Sam and the band played a new song that his son had written the audience was filled with smiles and sniffles, as we knew where the material really came from. While there is an awful tragedy at the heart of this story, it is ultimately about overcoming the darkest parts of who we are in order to pursue our greatest passions.

Sundance Review #2

I’m not quite sure how to lead into this second review of 4 more incredible films. I’m also not sure if I’m more emotionally fatigued than I am physically fatigued at this point. From long days, to late nights, to early mornings and lots of walking in freezing cold weather I am drained yet energized simultaneously. I was hoping for some pivotal life experience when I got here and Sundance has not disappointed. A few of the films I watched in the past two days will probably stick with me forever and continually shape, or rather inform, the way I look at the world as a theologian artist. So let’s get into it.

Infinitely Polar Bear is a movie starring Mark Ruffalo as a man named Cameron who is a manic-depressive, bi-polar father who is tasked with taking care of his 2 young daughters while his wife goes away to earn her MBA. The movie takes place during the 60’s where stay-at-home dads are completely out of the norm and women rarely take the role of the breadwinner in the family. Mark’s wife, played by Zoe Saldana, is black, which makes for even more social headaches to navigate during a time when civil rights were a constant issue.

While there is quite a bit of family drama, I found the overall story to be wonderfully heart-warming. Cameron is a father who is totally obsessed with his two little girls despite their resentment of him and all the awkwardness he brings into their lives due to his complete lack of social skills. The film depicts the complexities of children and their parents who don’t always see eye-to-eye through many adversities yet maintain a beautifully loving relationship. While Cameron occasionally has explosive behaviors and poor reactions to his medication, he constantly redeems himself by making delicious meals for the kids and all their friends, taking them on boat rides, letting them make forts all throughout their apartment, and even staying up all night to sew a flamenco dress for his youngest daughter’s school performance.

Ultimately, Cameron and his wife end up separating due to their life’s different directions, but his wife realizes how much better off her daughters are with Cameron because “he’s always around” as his daughters said. Cameron thought this was a bad thing, as he is a lonely man who loves his daughters so much that he always hovers around them, but his wife knows that’s the kind of parent they need and that’s not the kind of mother she will be if the kids live with her while she works 12 hour days in the business world of New York City.

I loved the portrayal of a non-traditionally dysfunctional father who is overbearing and controlling, to one who loves his daughters so much that it breaks social norms for the good. While this type of dysfunction father still causes a great deal of tension, he is still a father figure who can be admired for his determination to provide for and love his daughters no matter how badly his mental illnesses plagues him. Essentially it is this undaunted love of his daughters brings healing to his life and the lives of his daughters.

The Internet’s Own Boy is a documentary about Aaron Schwartz, who was a boy-genius and Internet activist fighting for fair access to online materials and combated unethical copyright laws. Aaron fought corrupt laws like PIPA and SOPA (look them up if you’re really curious) and eventually won the fight in congress thanks to his social media skills and intense love of online data. His biggest stand was against JSTOR, which is an online academic journal catalog that you have to pay to access. People who are in college often have free access to these journals because their schools pay a fee to unlock the journals for their students. Aaron saw this as unethical because he believe all knowledge should be free in order to provide citizens with as much information as possible to improve the world. Aaron got caught hacking the JSTOR website at MIT and was eventually prosecuted by the Federal Government. The FBI put multiple felony charges against Aaron in order to make him an example to all “hackers” threatening the government, which is a larger and larger problem these days. Aaron had battled with depression so fiercely that when he was faced with possibly going to jail for 35 years he couldn’t take it. Aaron committed suicide on January 11, 2013.

At the end of the film they showed another young prodigy who at the age of 14 began reading medical journals the he found for free from the JSTOR website. He became fascinated with curing cancer, and sent off his ideas about testing for pancreatic cancer to Johns Hopkins Medical Center. Eventually his testing method was found to be revolutionary and he is currently working with oncologists to further his method of testing for pancreatic cancer, which has such a high mortality rate because we find it so late. All this to say, this is one great example of what Aaron was fighting for and hopefully brings meaning to his life.

Calvary rocked my world. I still find myself a little haunted by the film. It had a Hitchcock-like feel to it that maintained an eerie feeling of unease throughout the entire film, even when the dialogue was caused eruptions of laughter. The film opens with a shot of the main character Father James taking confession from an anonymous man who says that he was raped by a priest every other day for 5 years from the time he was 7. He provides graphic details and ends by saying that he is going to kill Father James in a week. His reasoning is that Father James is a perfectly good man who has done nothing wrong, therefore it will attain greater attention as a statement against the Catholic Church’s failure to care for the innocent.

Father James takes this threat seriously and begins trying to make amends with his daughter, whom he abandoned, as well as resolve the many outstanding conflicts within his small Irish community. His town is rife with affairs, prostitution, corruption, drunkards, outspoken atheists, inept clergy, and an overwhelming amount of bitterness. Father James does his best to intervene in the lives of his community, but the story serves to show how you can’t really help people who don’t want to help themselves. He realizes the best thing anyone can do is forgive. This is most emphatic during his reconciliation with his daughter whom he abandoned when his wife died. Her death lead to Father James’ pursuit of joining the Catholic Church and his daughter’s attempted suicide. Their renewed relationship is the one bright light in the film.

The story gets bleaker as the week goes on as Father James’ church is burned down and his dog is violently killed. I know this all sounds exhaustingly depressing, but the witty dialogue and shear irony of many of the character’s situations creates a morbid sense of comedy throughout the film.  At the climax of the story, Father James is about to leave his small town and flee from the murderer who is to kill him the next day. He encounters a young woman who lost her husband in a freak car accident, and her profound determination not to abandon her faith spurs him on to return to his home and face the killer.  Father James meets his killer on the beach, who ends up being one of the main characters seen throughout the film who seemed relatively kind and passive. Just when you think the killer might change his mind and let go of his bitterness caused by years of sexual abuse within the church, he shoots Father James in the head and leaves him laying on the beach in a Christ-like pose. The movie ends in silence as we see Father James’ daughter visiting the killer in prison. As she cries and begins to speak, the movie ends.

This was the first film I saw when no one clapped as the movie ended. I was speechless and just sat with my hands folded. Father James was such a loved, endearing character that everyone began to hope for his survival. However, the writer wanted to tell a different story; A story of sacrifice that led to the hardest thing any of us is ever called to do, and that is to forgive those who have hurt us the most. When that moment comes and we are face to face with someone who has fractured our soul so painfully, what will we do?

The Overnighters is the movie I have taken the longest time to write about. It blew me away and left me with tons of questions. It’s a documentary about a Lutheran church in Williston, North Dakota where the oil boom happened several years ago. People flocked to this small town in hopes of a better life and a better job to provide for their families. Thousands of men packed up their cars and moved to Williston without anywhere to live and the city was left with a dilemma about how to deal with them. (Watch or read The Grapes of Wrath and you’ve basically got an understanding of this story). The controversy arose when Pastor Jay began letting men stay the night in his church and in his parking lot, and even in his own home, until they could get on their feet. Many of the congregation hated this as it turned their beloved church and community into a homeless shelter of sorts.

This problem was manageable until the local paper got wind that the Pastor was harboring sex offenders. The community was outraged, but the Pastor defended this as the man who was staying with him and his wife and three kids was guilty of having sex with his 16-year-old girlfriend when he was 18. Jay saw this man as worthy of a second chance and only truly guilty of making a stupid, typical teenager decision.

Sadly the “Overnighters” program gets shut down because the church doesn’t have proper fire codes in place (like overhead sprinklers). Jay is heartbroken and all seems to be lost as he closes up his program. Then the last 5 minutes of the film happens.

Jay is sitting down with his wife to tell her they need to go somewhere to have a difficult decision. In an unexpected turn of events, it comes out right then and there that he had an affair. He had several affairs. He had several, homosexual affairs. It was jaw dropping to say the least. The movie ends on this note and I was pissed off because I felt like I had been tricked into watching a movie with two completely separate story lines, one of which had no resolve or details. Thankfully, we had the filmmakers and Pastor Jay come to our class to answer questions. They also spoke after the film ended at Sundance and Jay surprisingly still maintains his faith and is still married to his wife. It was incredible to hear him basically preaching to an audience at Sundance about how God has a plan for your life and that even your brokenness can become part of His plan for you. It was surreal to hear someone speak about Jesus to a huge crowd of secular filmmakers. While I was completely opposed to the documentary’s director, I loved the fact that Jay’s story could be used to share Christ with people who would never dare go to church, watch a Christian film, or read the Bible. It was the highlight of my trip so far and an experience I’ll share with people for the rest of my life.

Sundance Review #1

I've been in Utah for 3 days and I'm just now able sit down and write out my many thoughts about all that I've seen. That's pretty much the best description about how fast this week moves. I saw 2 short films on Monday night, 4 full length films (2 documentaries, 2 features), and one film this morning. So far all of them have been entertaining, enlightening, and challenging to my current perspective on life, culture, and spirituality.

"White Earth" was the first thing I saw when I got here. It was a short film/documentary about the life of families living in North Dakota. The main focus is on the lifestyle of families who are supported by men who spend all their time working in oil fields. The director interviewed a young boy who spends all his days in a motor home playing video games, watching TV, and wandering around the streets of ND. Another perspective is from that of a woman and her young daughter trying to make ends meet while the father is constantly away working in the oil fields as well. The goal of the film was to show the hardships and sacrifices families have made in order to "provide" for their families. Everyone lives in cheap, run down motor homes in the icy tundra that is ND. The bleak nature of the oil towns heavily reflects the desperate and degrading nature of healthy families in the US. Both of the families shown in the film uprooted their lives in search of any kind of employment they could find with the hopes of giving their children a better life. However, the irony of their actions is that their families are going unprovided for when it comes to the true essentials of quality time and loving interactions between children and parents. I definitely felt so thankful for the city I grew up in, a warm place to sleep, and all the opportunities I could ever hope for in the way of education and basic resources like food and clothing.

"The Big House" was a short film about a boy in Yemen who is looking for a place to be free and playful. He ends up breaking into a high profile politicians house so he can run around, stack sofa cushions to climb, jump on the bed and many other playful activities. The boy says at the end that he finally has a "place to breath." It seemed to parallel the story of kids having no place to be kids seen in "White Earth" and having to grow up way too fast due to the hardships of their hometowns. It was a great short story about how all kids have an innate sense of joy, playfulness, and curiosity that must be enabled to grow in healthy environments free of continuous, traumatizing hardships that kill the beauty of their innocence.

Hellion is a story about a man named Hollis who is trying to raise two boys on his own near Galveston, Texas. One boy is in his teens and the other is around 10. The guys recently lost their mother in an unexplained accident of some kind. The movie chooses not to focus on the specifics of her death and rather how the family tries to cope with it. The father turns to rebuilding their dream house that was destroyed in a hurricane and drinking, while the oldest boy Jacob turns to pursuing his dream of being a motocross champion. The youngest boy seems relatively unharmed due to his age and maintains a joyful attitude throughout the film. Eventually, Hollis' neglect of his two boys (whom he loves very much) catches the attention of a social worker who gives custody of the youngest son to  Hollis' sister-in-law. Hollis and Jacob soon begin fighting for custody of the last part of their family and chaos ensues. Ultimately, it is a story of battling grief and depression in order to avoid losing sight of what is still around and of true value. The story lagged a bit but there were amazing performances by the whole cast to make up for it. It reminded me of the storyline in "White Earth" as it focuses on fathers who truly love and want to support their families, but don't realize that their absence is harming their families more than anything else ever could.

Little Hope Was Arson is an amazing documentary about two boys in East Texas who burned down 10 churches in the span of a month or so. It is an amazing story about a community of faith's challenge to protect their churches while simultaneous struggling to love and forgive the boys who did it. Basically, two boys Jason and Daniel, had grown up in the church in East Texas but both encountered hardships in their late teens that caused them to abandon their faith. Jason's mom was a crack addict yet was raised by his grandparents who took him to church constantly. He was devoted to the church until he had a terrible break up his senior year of high school that led him to suffer from depression and he eventually got mixed up in the wrong crowd in college, which led him to a life filled with drug abuse. Daniel frequented the church growing up as well until his beloved mother unexpectedly suffered from a stroke and after 2 days of praying, sadly passed away. This broke his whole family and eventually his father tried to commit suicide. Daniel and his sister saw him hanging from a tree and Daniel lifted him up to take pressure off his neck while his sister cut the rope.  They saved their father's life but Daniel was shaken to the core. He got into drugs as well and in their early 20's Jason and Daniel (who were childhood best friends) began burning churches in order to shake up the community and faith they resented.
Eventually they were caught through a series of incredible (seemingly divine) circumstances and at the trial they were both sentenced to multiple life sentences. I was most touched by the fact that church leaders stood up at the trial and asked for forgiveness for failing to help the boys and for failing to be a healthy community of support for them when they needed it most. Also, the best twist came at the end when Daniel's father, whom he helped save from his attempted suicide, ended up becoming a follower of Christ and goes to prison to see his son and ends up taking Daniel through a prayer to accept Jesus into his life. It was truly an unforgettable story about faith, forgiveness, community, grace, and love. Oh and the youth pastor who had Daniel and Jason in his Sunday school class ended up feeling so convicted that he quit his job (feeling as though he had been "slapped in the face by his own pride and hypocrisy) in order to become a truck driver sharing the Gospel and his testimony in as many places across the country as possible. This is the reason I love film and appreciate the power of storytelling above all else when it comes to evangelism. "To deny how hard it is to forgive, is to deny how amazing grace is." -Theo Love, Director of Little Hope Was Arson

Hits is a ridiculous satire of pop culture today. It focuses on a father and daughter both seeking attention in different ways. The anal, activist father is trying to get his city council to be more vigilant about fixing things like potholes in his street and stop signs at intersections, and his wild outburst at town hall meetings become a viral success on youtube thanks to a group of New York city hipsters who find Mr. Stuben's struggle against City Council a direct parallel to fighting Hitler's regime in WWII. David Cross (Tobias from Arrested Development) wrote and directed it and he is shameless in his mockery of "hipster activist" culture that takes vigilant stands against all sorts of social injustices all while trying to make vegan friendly baby clothing and organic, homemade cardboard boxes from home. It's over the top in its depiction of hipster slang, wardrobe, and overall cultural attitude but often hilarious as well. While Mr. Stuben is fighting for social justice and slowly becoming a bigger and bigger internet success, his 19 year old daughter is obsess with becoming famous at any cost. She believes she is a fantastic singer when she is actually horrible tone-deaf. She believes she is going to get on to the Voice, become a pop-sensation, and eventually reach her life-long dream of getting on to Ellen. Eventually, she becomes so desperate that she has sex with a lowlife, amateur musician so that he will record her demo to send into the Voice. He ends up making a sex-tape out of it and that is actually what rockets her to her dream of success, which she fights at first but then when she gets an invite to be on Ellen, feels completely fulfilled. Overall, I felt the movie made a humorous critique of how desperate our culture is for attention. We often feel like we are unheard and unfulfilled, as if we have no purpose in life, so we seek to fight for some cause (any cause, even getting potholes fixed) in order to have purpose, identity, and attention. The daughter was the perfect depiction of how my generation feels entitled to fame no matter how little talent we may have. With the advancement of technology, all it takes is one ridiculous youtube clip or sex tape to attain the highest levels of fame. The greatest irony comes at the end when all the diverse groups of hipsters attend a city hall meeting to document their support for Mr. Stuben and he actually ends up going on a tirade against the "jews in Hollywood" and our "N****r president Obama" complete with an analogy about how Barak means "lightening" and in the Bible it says "Satan came down like lightening (Barak)". Ultimately, the befuddled group of hipster activists looks foolish cheering for a man who completely hates everything they stand for and is an accurate representation of how misinformed/misguided our society actually is these days.

Alive Inside has been my favorite thing I've watched so far. It's a documentary about social workers who are trying to get personal music provided for Alzheimer's/Dementia/patients with other mental disorders. What the main guy found was that listening to music from patient's youth helped jog their memory and energy level in ways that no other medication could. It was beautiful to watch people come back to live after deteriorating for years in nursing homes that look more like hospitals than homes. One of the doctors said "All traditional medicine has learned to do is turn the dials. If you have high blood pressure, we turn the dial down with this pill. We haven't done anything to touch the heart and soul of a patient." I was basically in tears the whole movie because it was so beautiful to watch these people who have basically internalized their whole being due to the nature of their medication, environment, and illness become revitalized by the simple power of an iPod. They lit up when they heard tunes like Stand By Me by Ben King, classics from the Beatles, Louis Armstrong, Sinatra, and even some Latin Jazz. One woman who had been confined to a walker began to do the Salsa with her therapist! They could barely remember the names of their families but they could remember all the words to their favorite songs. With those memories brought an aliveness they had been missing for years. It was absolutely beautiful. One neuroscientist noted the parallel between our hearts and music. He said that even 22 days after conception all the cells of our tiny body begin to beat in unison, on that's the formation of our heart. He said "The desire to beat in unison fuels our entire lives." Also, he mentioned that music stimulates several different parts of the brain simultaneously as music is attached to muscle memory, cultural memory, and most importantly emotional memory. One old man said that listening to his favorites from the 40's reminded him of having a girl in his arms. Another old couple rekindled a connection as they both listened to "Can't Keep My Eyes Off of You" and held hands as the husband began to recognize his wife again. I could go on and on but I'm starting to tear up again and I'm in a public place ;) Here are some youtube clips attached below so you can get a taste of it. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKDXuCE7LeQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sd5S_hADV30

Whiplash is feature film about a college freshman at a prestigious music conservatory pursuing his passion to become the best drummer ever. His music teacher is ruthless, played by J.K. Simmons, and constantly hurdles profane insults at the boys while even slapping the main character Neiman in the face several times in order to teach him how to properly keep tempo. It was a shocking perspective of how hard musicians are pressed to their limits of near perfection in order to attain greatness in a highly competitive field. Neiman eventually sacrifices just about everything to pursue greatness under Fletcher (the gifted yet abusive music teacher). This movie was amazing at creating tension and depicting the brutal discipline of mastering musical technique. It also held the audience in suspense as the Neiman was constantly put in the spotlight and pressured to perform perfectly or loose his prized position in the best band in the best conservatory in the US. Whiplash is one of those movies that looks at the pursuit of greatness and asks "at what cost...?" I loved it and the music was phenomenal as it's all complex jazz music. I have to say, even some of the teachers insults made me laugh out loud on several occasions. My favorite quote from the movie had to be when Fletcher (an old school jazz musician) says "Starbucks killed jazz." I highly recommend it if it ever makes its way to theaters!

That's it for now! I have about 5 more left so I'll do another post as soon as I get a break from the hustle and bustle on Friday morning. Peace and Love to you all!
-Colt

The Quest for Honor: Humility

If I've realized anything from my upbringing it is that I will have a tendency towards being self-centered, prideful and afraid. I don't say that to blame the people who raised me but merely to point out the fact that we human beings will inevitably pass on the bad just as we pass on the good, and it's our job to mitigate the damage. Because of my upbringing I will also have a tendency to be strong-willed, outspoken, compassionate, and a vigilant advocate for justice.

Recently I've been inspired to be more strategic about improving myself so I can be the most effective instrument of the Lord as is humanly possible. "The shape of our character is the shape of our future." and "The path to freedom is paved by our character." I think about my character often. Am I courageous? Do I have integrity? Is humility the foundation of my spirituality? These are just three areas that I focus most of my attention on, and I've found that humility is most likely the area that I need the most amount of work. My struggle has been like a pendulum swinging back and forth between overtly prideful misconduct followed by an overcompensation of self-deprecating cowardice that leads me to hide myself in the shadows as I avoid the good I can do in order to avoid the bad I might do.  However, I've learned now that "Humility doesn't require us to be self-deprecating. Humility is not about having a low self-image or poor self-esteem. Humility is about self-awareness."

Humility is the perfect balance between standing to speak and sitting to listen. I want to perfect that balance because "Humility not only draws others to us, but draws God to us." On top of that, there is "perhaps no characteristic more central to the heart of God than humility." Jesus came to serve humanity yet He constantly stood up for the poor, neglected people of society and never shied away from a confrontation. All the right people were drawn to Him and all the wrong people cast judgement on themselves by rejecting the Light.

Deep down, I truly want to be a great man. I think of Joseph, David, Solomon, Peter, and Paul all being such cool examples of great men. All too often I find myself telling God where I would be most effective or what blessings should be applied to my life in order to reach their level of greatness. Unfortunately, I've been told that "If you are still relating to God through negotiations, you have not yet found the path of humility." So I've done my best to leave those ways behind and instead seek a humility that "leaves us empty." Not empty in the sense that I am hollow, but rather teachable. I long to have an attitude that leaves me joyful when I am being corrected by the Father. I yearn for a spirit of submission that allows for God to tweak and adjust my life's path every step of the way even when it's uncomfortable, all for the end goal of glorifying His Kingdom to the fullest extent and in the hopes that one more soul will be saved through my joy, discomfort or even pain.

(These are my thoughts, hopes and prayers as I begin my Quest for Honor inspired by the book Uprising by Erwin McManus. Every quote that was used in this post is from Uprising.)

Unity

I felt the urge to be more deliberate about memorizing Scripture today. I had no specific place to start so I just turned to 1 Corinthians since it's a pretty all-encompassing book as far as the Christian life goes. The first passage I saw underlined was 1 Corinthians 1:10, which says "Let there be no divisions in the Church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose." After writing it down several times I felt I had a good grasp on it, and the fact that I just wrote it out again from memory proves that it just might be creeping into my long-term memory. That's one verse down, 31,102 to go!

Anyway, after memorizing it I started to wonder how relevant that statement still is almost 2,000 years since it was written. Paul is often credited as the "Founder of Christianity." That sounded almost blasphemous to me the first time I heard that phrase, but then I thought about how much of the New Testament was written by Paul and how much he was responsible for building up the early church. It is the instruction of Paul that guides so many of the ways we preach, teach, and live to this day as Christians. To put it in other words, if Jesus is the blue-print then Paul is the contractor. With that said, it gives me pause to look at the "Church" around me here in America today based on this one simple piece of instruction Paul wrote to us several thousand years ago.

"Let there be NO DIVISIONS in the church." That's a simple enough statement with which we can evaluate our current condition. The only question is which "church" do we evaluate first? Should we focus on the Catholics or Protestants first? Or what about the Calvinists and Lutherans? I used to think it would be such an honor to have a sect of Christianity named after me like Luther and Calvin did, but not only do I think Simmonthian theology would never catch on, but I wouldn't want to be remembered for creating another huge division in the Church. Sadly the divisions go on and on thanks to the Baptists, Presbyterians, Methodists (who call themselves United Methodists but I spent a year interning with them and this certainly isn't the case), Pentecostals, Orthodox, Reformed, Reformed-Orthodox, Eastern Orthodox, Episcopalian, Anglicans, and finally the Non Denominational church who is indeed closest to Paul's instruction from an organizational standpoint.

Ok, so clearly we failed to listen to Paul's point about not making any divisions in the Church. Furthermore, we failed to live up to Jesus' prayer in John 17:23 that we "May experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me." Martin Luther King Jr. once said that the most segregated hour in America is 9am on a Sunday. The church was supposed to be the one place in the world where a person could find a true example of unity and instead it's become a symbol of our inability to coexist with people who are different than us.

The second part of Paul's statement gives us an even more challenging mission, to be of "one mind, united in thought and purpose." How could he ever expect people from varying economic and ethnic backgrounds to be united not only in thought but purpose as well. I can't even say that me and my own brother are united in thought or purpose so how could I hope to be united with strangers from all over the world in the way we think and the goals we pursue in life? Paul gave the church a goal that could only be accomplished with complete and utter reliance on the work of Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit to move in people and pull off a miracle in human interaction.

We preach love, acceptance and unity all the while there's another church across the street that has a different name and congregation because we couldn't agree on how to take communion, or whether or not drums can be played in church or if people can have tattoos or not. We split up over the stupidest stuff and it makes us loose credibility with the secular world around us. C.S. Lewis once wrote that "what we disagree about most is the importance of our disagreements." I find such wisdom in that quote whenever I voyage into a theological dispute with another believer. If only the founding church fathers of yesteryear would have had the wisdom of C.S. Lewis to advise them then I believe we may not be in such a profound mess today.

I could go on and on about the reasons why we lack unity in the Church but I'll end it here with more of a positive note. I do believe we can attain the level of unity that Paul called us to, and the reason I believe it's possible is because Jesus prayed for it to be so. If it was important enough for Jesus to pray out loud and have recorded for us to read thousands of years later then I believe it must be a central part of every believer's life mission to unite the church. I don't know how we do it, but I can guess that it's going to take a whole lot more humility than we have in the church presently. We've got to come to the table thinking less about "You" and "I" and more about the greater "We". I believe it's possible. I believe I've seen a glimpse of this unity at Mosaic and it's the reason why the church attendance there is exploding. If Jesus can get all the crazy people that live in Hollywood to come together under one roof and move forward with a common mindset and purpose than it's possible to do anywhere!

2 years and 30 miles west

It's funny how our world is in perpetual motion. Things never stop changing; they never stop moving forward. I look back just two years ago when my life was completely different and see a kid who has no idea what's about to come his way. I feel like if I ran into him at a coffee shop we would have hardly anything in common. There's nothing I would really be able to relate to him about because he wouldn't have these past two years. My every response would sound like "Yea, that's cool but then....happens." I don't know if I was innocent back then or just naive. No one could've ever imagined that two years and thirty miles west would change a life so much.

It's sad how many people say they were raised Catholic. They spend so much of their childhood doing something, then as soon as they have the freedom to choose for themselves they left it all behind. Maybe it's the institutions fault for not creating something that stands the test of time or prepares their followers for new experiences in life. I once spent 4 years building my life around an institution and the minute it was taken away from me I hardly knew where to go next or what to do with my life. I was like a toddler who was taught how to walk and talk then was left on the street corner to start his own life. It's hard to value something that you can't take with you and certainly doesn't stand the test of a lifetime in this world.

However, I can't knock my institution too much because it did reveal to me the one foundation that can help anyone survive the roughest of journeys that span at least 30 miles and last at least several years, and that one foundation is Christ. The only thing that me and that 2 years younger version of myself have in common is the understanding that no one makes it through this life unscathed and the only way to make it through the gauntlet of life is with the love, guidance, and support of our Father. While the me 2 years ago doesn't exactly understand why this point is so crucial, he will soon find out. As I think back I'm reminded of how blessed I was, and still am, to be so sheltered by His love. Things haven't been easy but I simply can't deny that I'm alive and well today because our Father loves to take care of His children. Some days that's easier for me to comprehend than others, but today I feel it ever so clearly.

Before the Bullets

Since I first heard about the elementary school shooting in Connecticut I have saturated myself with all the accessible details of the shooting. Recently, a lot has come to light about the shooter himself. His name was Adam...No one has come forward that really knew him, they just know about him and that includes his own family. People have noted that he was an incredibly intelligent young man but very reclusive. Authorities have said that his parents were divorced several years ago and neighbors commented that his mother was very strict and overly controlling of Adam. Over the past 2 days there has been a collaborative effort from police, psychiatrists, forensic experts, and journalists to obtain information about this young man. I find it tragically ironic that this profound effort to find out what Adam was going through only occurred after 28 lives had been lost.

I can't express the sorrow I feel that people such as Adam Lanza, Jacob Roberts, James Holmes, Seung-Hui Cho, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold are only of interest to us once they committed heinous crimes that claim many innocent lives. I can't help but wonder who noticed that these boys weren't doing so well, or had become reclusive, or seemed troubled, or were dealing with family trauma and just went on about their business. It takes years of neglect and despair to build up the kind of helpless rage that allows evil to enter a person's heart, soul, and mind to the point that they can only express themselves through tragic loss of life. Why can't we be interested in these people's lives before they reach this fatal breaking point? Are our schedules really that demanding? Are our priorities really that far out of whack? Are we really that self-centered? God, I hope not.

We will spend hours reading about ruthless killers online, but we wont take 15 minutes to talk to the weird kid in the corner about what's going on with his life. There are 28 families, hundreds of children, and thousands of relatives, friends and community members that are reeling from one of the most devastating events that will ever unfold in part because no one cared enough to find out why the neighbor boy always looked so upset and never played with the other kids.

Look, I don't want to rant about who's to blame for this because ultimately Adam chose to pull the trigger and that's on him. However, I think it would be naive to turn this into a gun control issue when clearly there are an abundance of disturbed young men in this world who can't find the proper love, support and guidance to make it through this life without massacring a school, theater, or workplace and eventually turning the gun on themselves. We are all connected; we are all in this together. Our life choices affect everyone around us and we've got to stop thinking that "our life is simply our own" therefore we can carelessly move through it without regard for how we impact others, both positively and negatively. How is it that we are so captivated by anything with a battery and WiFi yet we neglect to see the most beautiful things around us; other human beings? We were made for human interaction. We need relationships and most importantly, we crave intimacy and when we go long enough without any of these things there's no telling what darkness will fill the void.

Let's start caring more for the people around us then the games in our phones. Let's prioritize relationships over our careers or monetary success. Let's begin to light up the darkness.

Catching Up to Katie

I recently read a book called Kisses from Katie written by a young woman named Katie Davis, who at the age of 18 went on a mission trip to Uganda and fell in love. Katie fell in love not with a handsome young man, but rather with a country and a nation full of people in need. After her senior year of highschool she moved permanently to Uganda and started caring for young, sick orphans, which soon sprang into a fully-funded non-profit that sends hundreds of impoverished children to school all while caring for their medical needs and providing meals for them throughout the week. Katie actually ended up adopting 13 young girls who were in the most desperate situations. Katie Davis has done all this by the stagering age of 23. I know Katie would probably rephrase that by saying "God has done all this through me", and that's just another testament to her extreme humility.  

I was blown away by all that God has done through Katie. Her amazing heart and courageous attitude have opened a miraculous door to God's will in her life that I both admire and envy. Part of me wanted to up and move to Uganda and try to marry this girl, yet another part of me wanted to emulate what she has done in this crazy, mixed up town called Hollywood. I don't think I'll be starting any schools or adopting 13 kids anytime soon, but I do believe I could open my heart as she has done so beautifully to the plan God has for His followers.

However, so much of me still questions whether or not I will ever be of any use to God in this city. I feel unequipped to handle the weight of sin and the veil of misconceptions that Satan has worked so hard to wrap around this society. After finishing Kisses from Katie it seemed to me as if there is more hope for Uganda than there will ever be for Hollywood. Maybe it has to do with the whole "blessed are the poor, the meek, the mourners, the pure of heart, and the persecuted" that Jesus talked about during the Sermon on the Mount. There is hope for those people, so hope fuels Katie's mission. I, on the other hand, feel much more like I'm ministering to the city of Judah during Jeremiah's time as a prophet there. Judah was so far from God that He told Jeremiah on multiple occasions not to even bother with praying for the people of Judah (Jer. 7:16, 11:14, 14:11). God goes so far as to say to Jeremiah that "I will not let my pity or mercy or compassion keep me from destroying them." (13:14) That's a far cry from being blessed in every imaginable way.

Despite all these misgivings I have about ministry here, I cannot help but feel lead to at least try and facilitate some type of dynamic change in my community as Katie did. There is an undeniably great need for change here and a change that only a God who works through miracles can facilitate. When times of doubt and despair come along I cannot help but remember what the first days of this ministry felt like. I remember driving back from my first gig working on CSI:NY with the windows down blasting Frank Sinatra and feeling so hopeful about where God had brought me. The first few months went on like that and every deep conversation about Christ that occurred on set felt as though God had physically lead me to it. In contrast, I remember how all summer I was met with total despair and hopelessness as the task at hand seemed too daunting for any one man to conquer. Katie calls this one of the greatest lessons we must learn: "The tension between inefficiency and faithfulness". The contrast between feeling a distinct call to serve somewhere and the powerful feeling of spiritual uselessness that follows is a topic Katie is all too familiar with and describes eloquently in her book.

"The happiness that gave me chilll bumps was as deep as my loneliness. My sense of certainty about being exactly where God wanted me was solid, but just as firm was the fact that I wondered at times what on earth I was doing here. The frustration that threatened to overtake me on some occasions was just as deep and true as the unbounded joy I felt at other times."

I can't put a price on the knowledge that my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ are going through the same thing as me. Katie's experience quelled a great number of the questions I had floating around in my head about whether or not I was in the center of God's will. At one point, she quoted Fredrick Beuchner who said "The place God calls us to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." I can't count the number of days where I have experienced a deep gladness to be working and serving in Hollywood. I'll be the first one to admit that sometimes the "deep hunger" here gets to be overwhelming, but at this point I wouldn't trade it for the world. I feel like if we aren't being overwhelmed by God's will from time to time then we probably aren't following God's will for our life. Katie also adheres to this belief as she writes "I believe that God totally, absolutely, intentionally gives us more than we can handle. Because this is when we surrender to Him and He takes over, proving Himself by doing the impossible in our lives."

How beautiful is that statement? It may not sound appealing if you live a comfortable life, but to those of us in the field taking fire from all directions, it comes across like sweet music to our ears. I know He will wear me down to my bones, but I can't wait to see how God shows up in my life to work miraculous signs and wonders here in Hollywood. I'm giddy with excitement for the day when I can look back on a life well served and well used by my Creator. I hope and pray that big things begin to happen soon, for I am indeed impatient when it comes to witnessing the glory of God here on Earth. While I know that everything happens in God's perfect timing, I'm still eager to catch up to the kind of work Katie's been doing.

Converting Satan

I have a problem. There is this nagging voice in the back of my mind that tells me I can save everyone no matter their disposition on faith. No matter if they're extremely violent, bitter, hateful, gay, or just lost in general; I believe with the right words or enough time spent together that they can be reached. I want to believe that somehow the light of Christ can break through whatever walls they may have spent a lifetime setting up and eradicate the darkness of their soul. Sadly, I'm beginning to think that there is a harsh truth I may have to accept which contradicts this hope I have spent my life nurturing.

When people get into heated discussions with me, some would call them arguments but I try to never argue because no positive change ever comes from an argument, they often say that I come across as unrelenting or even exasperating with my tireless pursuit of some type of resolve to the conversation. It may seem as if I want everyone to believe exactly what I believe, but that isn't true. I only want people to believe what I believe when I think that their beliefs cause them harm. I truly want what is best for everyone despite our differences because I believe that everyone impacts the world with how they handle themselves. If someone is "self-destructive" they are not just harming themselves but the community around them as well. It may not even be a community they themselves perceive but it is indeed there. I can't simply drive my car irradically down the freeway saying "It's my car and I can drive how I want! If I crash and burn it only hurts myself anyway!" Anyone who has been in a car accident and lost a vehicle or loved one to a careless driver knows that our mistakes often have profound ripple effects that travel unexpectedly through the world, even impacting complete strangers. It is for this reason that I want to evoke as much good in people as is humanly, or should I say divinely, possible.

Look at the impact that one cocky, pissed off angel had on humanity. Lucifer conned humans into letting Sin enter into the world and forever changed our destiny. He took with him God knows how many other angels who were at one time goodhearted followers of God and corrupted them into demonic figures who stalk the earth looking to terrorize human beings. Knowing myself, if I were in Heaven when Lucifer rebelled I would have been pleading with God to just let me talk to him for a bit, to let me hang out with him and get to know his side of the story, maybe play some basketball together or go see a movie and grab coffee afterwards so I could develop enough trust and credibility to speak into his life. I know this is foolish but I just can't shake this enduring hope, this relentless optimism that somehow God could use me to change even the vilest of beings.

I believe that there is a good inside everyone and everything God created that can all too often be severely repressed in our hearts. While I believe it can be repressed, I do not believe it can be extinguished. People usually lift up Hitler as one of those people who was so clearly beyond salvation. I think Hitler had a pretty screwed up childhood and that he developed a twisted comfort in hate rather than love at an early age that grew into total depravity. It's incredibly tragic how our neglect can cause enough pain in one person's life to inspire genocide years later. It is for this reason that I have to believe that Christ's enduring love poured out through us can cause and even greater impact on people's lives. I have to believe that. This life doesn't make sense if that isn't true and our God is not a God of true love if that's not true.

So this is the part where Scripture kind of rains on my hopeful parade...I know Jesus talks about there being one unforgivable sin, that being blasphemy against the Holy Spirit in Matthew 12:31. This fact is echoed throughout parts of the New Testament, such as 1 John 5:16 which goes so far as to say that we shouldn't even bother praying for people who have committed this sin. That's harsh to me, but it doesn't mean I disagree with it. It clashes with my soul because it means there are people in this life that will completely understand who Christ is and was and is to come, yet still be able to thoughtfully reject Him. The prime example of this, besides Satan and Hitler, would have to be Judas. I feel bad for Judas because someone inevitably had to be born as Judas in order to fulfill the prophecies made about Jesus. If we all cast lots before we were born into this world, then Judas drew the shortest possible lot and got the shaft where the sun don't shine. How sad to be so close to the Son for so long and be destined to never truly taste His love and grace, and instead suffer God's eternal wrath. Satan experienced the greatness of Heaven and still rejected it! How are these things possible?! What is it about our human nature (or angelic nature for Satan) that can be so corrupted that we can have Jesus right in front of our faces and still say "Get lost, I'm better off without ya." I know I'm supposed to turn my back on these kind of people and shake the dust from my sandals at them but I just can't do it. Maybe I need to be broken down a bit more until I'm jaded about humanity, but I find myself constantly praying for these hopelessly lost types.

As I end this discourse on reaching the unreachable I'm humbled by how Scripture constantly reminds us that we may feel justified in our questioning of the ways of the Creator but in actuality it is the most arrogant thing we can possibly do. Romans 19:17-22 says:


¹⁷ For the Scriptures say that God told Pharaoh, "I have appointed you for the very purpose of displaying my power in you and to spread my fame throughout the earth." ¹⁸ So you see, God chooses to show mercy to some, and he chooses to harden the hearts of others so they refuse to listen. ¹⁹ Well then, you might say, “Why does God blame people for not responding? Haven't they simply done what he makes them do?^{" 20} No, don't say that. Who are you, a mere human being, to argue with God? Should the thing that was created say to the one who created it, "Why have you made me like this?" ²¹ When a potter makes jars out of clay, doesn't he have a right to use the same lump of clay to make one jar for decoration and another to throw garbage into? ²² In the same way, even though God has the right to show his anger and his power, he is very patient with those on whom his anger falls, who are destined for destruction.

Echoing this point of view is Proverbs 16:4 saying "The Lord has made everything for His own purposes, even the wicked for a day of destruction." I don't know if I'm not allowed to pity the jars that were made to be thrown into the fire or not. It seems like a crappy deal to me, but who am I to question the will of an all-powerful, all-mighty, omnipotent God? I hope God sees my compassion not as dissent against His will but merely a love for what He created---all that He created. I'm trying to accept His will for creation day by day and not waste my time trying to convert Satan or save Judas from disaster, but it's more difficult than it seems; for how do we know who is really a 'Judas' or a 'Pharaoh' and not just someone who is extremely lost yet still retains the possibility of being saved?

Questions without Answers...That's as good a place to stop as any.

Movie God

"I was born to do make movies. This is my essence, ya know? If I couldn't do this...I might as well blow my brains out."

Now, I knew my roommate was committed to making movies. It's all he talks about, all he thinks about, all that he stresses out about and dreams about. He is a self-diagnosed insomniac and spends most of his nights and early mornings watching films only to come in and out of mild sleep. Movies are his life. On top of all this, he tells me he is a fellow Christian. His name is Tom.

I like Tom, sometimes. He is boisterous, loud, charismatic, and a salesman if there ever was a salesman. He can pitch any idea or opinion, no matter how outlandish, with such confidence that you find yourself actually believing that there might be an inkling of valid reasoning or actual proof behind what he is saying. He'd be the first person to buy you a beer or welcome you into the house. I pity Tom with all my heart.

Tom recently finished production on a movie that he wrote, directed, marketed, and invested in with all of his time, energy, and money. It's called Nomad, it's a science fiction action movie, and it's absolutely terrible. Tom believed that this movie would allow him to break into the industry and begin his ascent into stardom as a major movie writer/directer, but sadly I'm beginning to believe that it will never happen for him. Last night we were having a discussion about his future and what he plans to do now that his film has still not sold (he literally has searched the globe for foreign and domestic film studios that would be willing to buy his movie). As we talked it became more and more apparent that becoming a successful director is all that matters to Tom. He mentions getting married and having a family but only in a flippant tone that pales in comparison to the excitement with which he discuss his dream career as a film maker.

Eventually it got to the point where I asked Tom what he would do with his life if he couldn't make movies. That's when I got the response I quoted earlier. I was shocked at the veracity of his statement. I simply shuffled back against the kitchen counter and half chuckled out "That's a little scary, Tom." He asked me what I meant and being that it was 2:30am in the morning and I'm already too honest with my opinions even when I'm well rested, I simply stated "Well, it sounds like movies are your god." That sparked an amusing dispute, to say the least.

I don't think Tom is used to anyone giving him such an honest opinion. I've only ever seen people agree with him or if they disagree with him then he just talks over them until they give a sigh of defeat and ask themselves "What's the point?" That to say, I think I startled Tom with such a heavy, loaded response. While my concern was for Tom's well-being it certainly must not have come off that way. He was caught off guard and once he was able to grasp what I said he jumped right on defense. I realize now that Tom has never been concerned with understanding what anyone else is saying; he merely waits to give his own opinion or correct your point of view (Proverbs 18:2). I know I was taking a certain liberty with my opinion that I may not have earned in Tom's life but that doesn't change the fact that all signs point to the fact that Tom spends his life thinking, working, and loving film yet occasionally professing this devotion to God. It's as if I were to say I'm a SF Giants fan yet I wear all LA Dodger's colors, I cheer for the Dodgers, and I discourage the way Giant's fans act.

People do this all the time. True faith equates change and evokes action. We can't claim to know God and yet do nothing for Him. People who claim to know God and yet live aimlessly are mistaken, for they simply know about God and have no clue about His amazing call on their life. They have no relationship with the Creator and you can watch how their life cracks and crumbles in ways that it would never do if there was the stability of Christ within them. One of the scariest passages in Scripture to me is Matthew 7:21, which says "Not everyone who calls out to me, 'Lord, Lord!' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven." I'm afraid for Tom and many others like him. I don't know for certain where Tom will go when he dies but I do know how he spends his time, how he talks about women, how he views money, possessions, and fame. I know that he knows a bit about God but I don't know if he knows God. I worry for him. I worry for many in this town who think they know what is of true value in this life. I wish I could realign everyone's perspective to see the importance of the Kingdom of God above all else (Matthew 6:33). I wish I could make movies that would make people realize that movies aren't God, money isn't God, and fame certainly isn't God.

Maybe someday...