1899

So much has changed. A year's absence has produced growth in the most unexpected areas. New basketball courts, sand volleyball courts, a turf field and even new dining areas. Lord knows the food here hasn't been good since it started over a hundred years ago so hopefully this new addition will take APU to a whole other level.

I graduated from Azusa Pacific University on May 7, 2011. That makes it just about 456 days since I belonged here. Now I'm out of place. I am relegated to the alumni, labeled a "visitor" as I walk the halls of the place I called home for 4 years of the most pivotal time in my life. 4 years...Oh how 4 years seemed like a life sentence when I first crossed the threshold of Trinity Hall and unloaded my things into my new place of residence at 2nd North room #234. I knew not a soul yet mine would find its place here in these halls, classrooms, libraries, coffee shops, lawns, and chapels. The mural that was painted on the wall in 2nd North by one of the residents, my old friend Colin, still remains as tribute to all those who make that special part of Trinity their home and foundation for the rest of their time here at APU. I wonder where Colin is today...I wonder where most of those guys from 2nd North are now. Most are probably married. They'll have kids and neglect to tell them all the stories of the wild times they had in their freshman dorms.

I'm amazed at how well protected I was at APU. I never committed any of the carnal sins that young people away at college typically have the excuse to committ. I'm so thankful that my only serious trials were caused by making hard decisions to follow Christ in the best way I knew how. I wish I would have been more involved, but it's hard to conquer being shy when feeling lonely feels safer than being rejected. I look back on APU with fond reverence as a place so saturated in its authenticity and beauty that it sucks people in like quicksand to a life lead apart from risk and sacrifice. This place reminds me, like a slap in the face or a swift kick to the groin of the risks and sacrifices I've made. It reminds me of how I've met great success only to be humbled by great failure. It reminds me to never stop learning and most importantly to never give up on going after the unsure things in life. I start to wonder if is this place has changed at all or if what I feel is merely a reflection of how much I've changed since I began my journey here almost 5 years ago.

Is it wrong that I wish I could go back? Ecclesiastes 7:10 says "Don't long for 'the good old days.' This is not wise." I've always made fun of those who thought high school was the greatest time of their life, but this is different. At least, it feels different. Going to APU was like getting a deep tissue massage. When you tell someone you're going to get a massage they may think "Oh, that's so great!" or "Wow, you must be spoiled." But the thing about a deep tissue massage is that it isn't restful, it takes you way out of your comfort zone, and while there are fleeting moments of pleasure it typically hurts the entire time. Furthermore, you don't fully realize the benefit of the massage until way after you're done. I'm thankful for every knot APU helped my work out. Most of all, I'm thankful that APU showed me how to prevent the knots in the first place. It's a steep learning curve once you exit the protection of scholarly halls and classrooms filled with knowledge, guidance, and support. I thank God for where I am, where I've been, and where I'm going. Thanks to all those who have helped me along the way and who will hopefully continue to help me along this mysterious new path. God knows I need as much help as I can get!