This past Sunday was the most fulfilled I have felt in a long time. I finally reached a point where my passion and purpose aligned, if only for a moment, leaving me with a profound sense of God's will for my life.
I have been working as a background actor or 'extra' for television, commercial, and other film projects the past few months. I went into it with the desire to work in an exciting industry filled with large amounts of radical non-believers. So far I have had several theological conversations that have led to confessions of disbelief because of past experiences with sexual abuse, religious oppression, and discrimination on behalf of the church. However, nothing has paralleled what I experienced on Sunday.
About midway through the day I heard one of the girls on set talking to one of the several very gay members of the cast about why God allows suffering. At the time, I was involved in a different, meaningless conversation and I quickly turned around to engage the pair. As soon as I heard the guy ask "It just doesn't make sense why Jesus would have to die if God is so good and perfect" my heart started to pound because I had never felt so prepared to answer a question like this before. I literally had just finished reading the first chapter of Timothy Keller's book The Reason for God that discusses this very topic.
What ensued from this point on was a heavy, two hour discussion about the character of God and what Christianity is really meant to be, a relationship. We touched on topics from evolution, to sacrifice, to pain, to biblical interpretation, the Old Testament vs. New Testament, the difference between Jews and Christians, and ultimately the reconciliation of the Cross. I was only talking directly to a self-proclaimed new atheist and homosexual named Silas, as well as a very harsh, broken young women named Veronica who had just graduated from college. Outside of these two was the rest of the entire cast and crew totaling almost 8 other people, two of whom were also gay.
I knew this was an extremely heavy conversation to have in a crowd like this but God spoke the best possible words through me and I found Silas constantly nodding in agreement as I laid out who Christ actually was and what God meant for Christians to be. Veronica, on the other hand, constantly came back at me with argument after argument in disbelief against the words of Jesus. Her main problem was that Salvation seemed too limited as we can only get to Heaven through this one Man. She persisted in saying that if you only just live a good life that you should be allowed into Heaven and that she did not, or rather could not believe anything otherwise. I refuted her statements time and time again by asking how she could define this 'standard' of good. How could we all live by her subjective view of what good is? By even saying that there could be a universal good implies a higher power or judge of this good.
Eventually she acknowledged that she believes in God and had thought about converting to Judaism. This is when I knew she was truly lost. I asked her why even believe in a God if you don't have to do anything in relation to Him in order to get to Heaven? She just replied that she had always felt that there was a God, that she wanted to pray, but could never imagine the fact that her family (the people she loved most in this world) would not end up in Heaven. Veronica later told me that her brother was gay and I realized that the thought of him not being able to go to Heaven because of this is what hardened her heart towards the idea of a religion that told her people such as that can't be saved.
I pressed her on this issue and told her that no one wanted her and her family to Saved than Jesus. I told her about how Jesus had to die because we are so imperfect and that no standard of our own personal perception of good would ever reconcile all of the evil we have done in this earth. I described how Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice and how badly He loved people like Veronica's brother. I said that Jesus was just as heart broken at the thought of her family not going to Heaven as she was. At this point Veronica was in tears but still defending her position. All I could do was tell her that some of the people I too love the most in this world still don't know Jesus and how much it pains me to think of an afterlife without them. I couldn't help but be chocked up with all the emotions as well.
At this very moment we were called back onto set. It seemed like the worst possible moment. Once we were separated Veronica had time to rebuild her defenses and after a few hours on set of ranting about God to the other non-believers she was in no place to be reasoned with. She had let her guard down, become vulnerable and revealed that she wasn't as tough as she tried so hard to show everybody she was. She kept on saying that she would rather go to hell, "Dante's Inferno" as she mockingly labeled it, than go to a Heaven where her family was not. Veronica scoffed at the idea of an exclusive Heaven even though I told her anyone could enter, even the thief who was nailed beside Jesus on the cross...She had no idea of the depth of what she was saying. Completely protected, her heart began to twist back into it's fortified walls where I still wonder if the words God spoke through me will one day breach.
Despite the fact that Veronica left that day the way she did I felt incredible. Several other people, including Silas, came up to me afterwards to express their words of appreciation for what I said. I recommended books for them to read as well as parts of Scripture they should really study for themselves so as to be better protected from the raging, ranting christians they had encountered before.
I have never preached the Gospel like this before. I have never evangelized before. This was what Jesus did and called us to do. I don't say that pridefully, I say it humbly as a servant of God who has never had the balls to do it before. Now as I look back on the world of APU I am ashamed that we rarely seek out opportunities to do this type of ministry. We live and talk solely amongst those who live in our Christian bubble and then have the audacity to say "oh evangelism just isn't my gift". We hide behind the idea of a "silent sermon" where hopefully people are lead to Christ by the subtle, self-righteous manner in which we think we live our lives. Well I discovered that it takes words. No silent sermon will do. We have to talk! Jesus was perfect, Paul was amazing, and they all talked A LOT! But most importantly, those who really know the truth of Scripture, the Gospel of love, must do the talking.
Atheists, Agnostics, young, and old all have a question burning deep inside them about this Jesus fellow. They know there is something more to this life and are so curious about those who say they know Him. Hollywood may act like they think anyone who believes in God is a raving lunatic or right-wing, redneck nut job but they are more curious than anyone else. They have put up their walls but they know logic and reason when they hear it and they are astounded by a passionate faith inspired by truth.
That's what I have. They are my focus. I believe you can reach the entire world from this one location, so this is where I'll be. I hope Christians will stop running away from this place and instead embrace it as Jesus would. I hope you'll pray for me as I embark on this journey that has no longer become a shot in the dark but a deliberate light in the darkness.
No comments:
Post a Comment