I have a really good friend who has an indescribable void in his life. It's been there as long as he can remember and for the longest time, since he discovered what romance is, he has tried to fill this void with the love of a significant other. Somehow the idea of a perfect female companion, "the one" if you will, has provided him an inexplicable hope for healing, companionship and sense of completion that seems almost Heavenly. Obviously these things are so appealing because of the great deal of hurt, loneliness, and emptiness that exists within his soul. Recently, his situation has been at the forefront of my mind after listening to Timothy Keller's sermon entitled "The Struggle for Love".
The focus of Keller's sermon is on the portion of Jacob's life portrayed in Genesis 29. After stealing his older brother's blessing from his dying father, Jacob escapes to Paddan-Aran to work for his uncle Laban. There he meets and falls madly in love with Rachel, who was a truly beautiful woman in every way it seems. Jacob agrees to work 7 years for Laban in exchange for Rachel, which equated to an extremely irrational amount to pay for a bride. Well after 7 years and one crazy wedding party, Jacob gets fooled into marrying Leah, who was the older, uglier daughter of Laban. After little protest, Jacob agrees to work 7 more years for Rachel. After those next 7 years pass and the happy couple finally ties the knot, Jacob and Rachel are rewarded with a baron womb. Leah, on the other hand, catches God's eye as she is unloved and He blesses here with many children and it is her line from which our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ comes.
The significance of this story comes from the context of Jacob's life. Back in Genesis 25 we are told that Jacob's father preferred Esau, the eldest son. Esau was a man's man and understandably attracted more attention from his father. Meanwhile Jacob was an introverted, mama's boy who must have felt disconnected and unfulfilled by his family life. From the day he was born he struggled to compete with his brother for his father's affection. He knew not love nor support from 2/3 of his immediate family. Once Jacob had to flee from Esau after steeling his father's blessing he lost his mother too, the only one who truly loved him. Jacob had a void in his life that he desperately tried to fill with the love of an ideal women, but what Keller reminds us in his sermon is that no human relationship can carry the burden of God-hood. Only God can fill that indescribable void in our lives. No friend, brother, sister, mother, father or especially husband or wife can complete us like God can. We can never find the eternal source of healing we hope to gain from a spouse because no matter how hard we fight to attain her, she's always Leah never Rachel. She will never be good enough. He will never be good enough. Only God is good enough.
If it wasn't already obvious from the start, I might as well clarify that the very good friend of mine struggling with this exact same "complex" is me. It's taken time to realize that this deep passion of mine has become so rooted in my soul that it has become a hindrance to God's will for my life. I have spent many sleepless nights thinking about my future wife, and mostly about how lazy she's been about getting in touch with me. Jokes aside, I don't want to have a wife unless it's within God's general direction for me because I know that at my age and with my perspective I most likely have no idea what I need or what is good for me. I want to be married and have a family, but I don't want to be as messed up as Jacob was when I finally do it. I certainly don't want to wake up with Leah either, despite her amazing personality...
So for now I think I'm just going to have to put up the old "Closed for Renovation" sign on my love life. I've got to see what this life is like when I live it in a constant pursuit of intimacy with God and not a woman. If I can do that, who knows what God may throw in along the way?
(9/20/12) OYP2G-CS
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