It's 11pm on an average Tuesday night in July. I hear crickets, the occasional car sputtering down the street, and my mind wanders to worrying about how early I have to be up in the morning. I question how well I will function on such little sleep. I don't focus on the fact that I have my own bed with soft, clean sheets. I don't appreciate the sound of crickets rather than gunshots. I'm not conditioned to appreciate the space I call my own room. I expect these things. I know this place. It's all so familiar and too commonplace to be appreciated. I did little to earn this spot in society. I was given a body that walked and talked and was fit enough to work. I was blessed with a mind able to comprehend my surroundings and make educated decisions. Why then do I feel so entitled to all this? How could I ever fail to appreciate eyes that see, ears that hear, a mouth that speaks, a heart that beats, a brain that senses, and a soul that seeks.
For a moment I'm struck with the fleeting nature of this life. The twisted uncertainty of this sinful, broken world sneaks up on us when we least expect it, where we are least prepared. In cars, in homes, in towers and in movie theaters. We carry on in the most unassuming ways in the least threatening locations yet somehow we never cease to be surprised by terror. I don't want to be surprised anymore. I don't want the unexpected unless it means that there is a good which will arise from the ashes that no one could ever have expected and makes all who witness such tragedy realize there is an opposing, and dare I say, far greater good than evil residing in this world. I hope this is the case. I hope with all my heart.
Some people call that being naive. Some believe no great thing can be done without first greatly compromising one's character. I know a man who would beg to differ. He keeps me going when hope seems scarce. He has Risen like no one else could hope to Rise. He is my shelter while the world promotes cheap thrills and apocalyptic flings. The world has no answer for the darkness. It has no comfort for the widows. Utter silence abounds when questions seek reasons for life and loss. Purpose muses the philosophical and stays hidden in shadows of intellect. There is no hope for a true worldview if the world is blocking our view. The world begets darkness.
"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." Shawshank never spoke truer words. But this thought is unfinished, unrefined if you will. Where does true hope come from? Can it reside in something so dark as this place, or is it drawn from light that is simply not of this world? I cannot help but hope that there was, and is, and is to come just such a light. This light has reminded me time and time again about the bed, the room, the house, the car, the legs, the eyes, the ears, the mouth, the mind, the friends, the family, and most importantly the love that have all been laid before me...
With this in mind, reinstated by force of will, I can finally sleep peacefully.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Mental Agoraphobia
I'm starting to become wary of overly introverted people. It's fine if you don't like parties or loud music and prefer one-on-one interactions, much like I do, but there's something dangerous about taking up residence in your own head for too long. Being consumed by the solace in our own minds is scary place to be for any extent of time and if our voice becomes the dominant voice speaking into our lives than we are descending down a dark and tragic path. I have known and loved several extremely introverted people and sadly I'm beginning to be jaded by the outcomes of these relationships.
Mental shut-ins, or agoraphobics of the mind as I think of them, constantly fail to reap the benefits of human intimacy. Worse yet, they lash out at those who get close enough to tempt them out of their safe, little worlds created in the vacuum of their obsessive thought life. We all create realities for ourselves based on how we perceive every aspect of life, be it pain, love, heartbreak, or happiness. We also tend to resist people (or even deities) who threaten to change the structure of these worlds we've created through our accumulated perceptions. We will become so self absorbed by our own realities that we will even begin to accept harmful things as familiar things. We alter the true characteristic of inherently good or bad things to fit our skewed worldview. For instance, if we are angry all the time we will just shift our view of anger so it becomes a source of comfort rather than a toxic emotion that degrades our souls over time. The same goes for love. If loving relationships constantly end in heartbreak or loss, then love must be an evil thing that needs to be avoided at all costs. It kills me to watch loved ones go through this because they allow pain to run so deep and their minds to be so corrupted that any source of light and truth appears manipulative and offensive.
Maybe the theme of this post isn't so much about the dangers of locking ourselves away in mental and emotional solitude, as much as it is about the tendency to rely on experience as a basis for truth. I once read that "experience is the mother of all deception". In the Wesleyan Quadrilateral, which many theologians use to develop doctrines of faith, there is a system of using Scripture, Tradition, Experience, and Reason to formulate a belief system. It's what I try to employ in my life as much as possible. The way it is supposed to work is more like a pyramid than a quadrilateral. Scripture is supreme and ranks 1st above everything else. Tradition comes in 2nd as it is the "living faith of the dead" (not 'the dead faith of the living' as it has become in many denominations *cough*Catholicism*cough*). Experience is at the bottom, but nonetheless very important. Finally, Reason is supposed to be used throughout the other three sections of the pyramid, sort of like a common thread holding it all together. No piece of the pyramid should be implemented without a great deal of rational thought. That is why experience is so tricky because it is so so so subjective. Yet we, as individuals in our nature, tend to tip the scales in favor of our own personal, subjective experiences rather than scripture and tradition outweighing experience by several tons. The more we dwell on our experiences, shut out the traditions of believers who have thrived before us, and ignore the Word of God, the more we will be apt to slip into the abyss of our own prideful mindset that dictates just how profoundly intelligent all of our views are on everything under the sun.
I do love, with all my heart, several people in this world who have been so damaged by what this life has thrown at them that they have retreated into the ramparts of their minds. It's dark and quiet and lonely, but so very safe. They put up a veneer of strength in solace and adopt a slogan of "proud to be going it alone" or "rugged individualism" that has been celebrated by our culture for so long, but it is so utterly false. Their lives lean on shaking beams beneath a foundation they created from their own shattered hearts...
I'm sort of at the end of my rope and reaching for another as I continue to love these people and give them all I have to give. Beyond that, all I can think to do is sit and pray, and pray, and pray that God kicks down the walls these people have fought so hard to build around their hearts and try to prevent others from walking down a similar path. I hope you will pray with me and continue to hope for better things for all the lost and broken people working so hard to protect themselves rather than surrender to the abundant safety that only lies within the arms of our Savior.
Mental shut-ins, or agoraphobics of the mind as I think of them, constantly fail to reap the benefits of human intimacy. Worse yet, they lash out at those who get close enough to tempt them out of their safe, little worlds created in the vacuum of their obsessive thought life. We all create realities for ourselves based on how we perceive every aspect of life, be it pain, love, heartbreak, or happiness. We also tend to resist people (or even deities) who threaten to change the structure of these worlds we've created through our accumulated perceptions. We will become so self absorbed by our own realities that we will even begin to accept harmful things as familiar things. We alter the true characteristic of inherently good or bad things to fit our skewed worldview. For instance, if we are angry all the time we will just shift our view of anger so it becomes a source of comfort rather than a toxic emotion that degrades our souls over time. The same goes for love. If loving relationships constantly end in heartbreak or loss, then love must be an evil thing that needs to be avoided at all costs. It kills me to watch loved ones go through this because they allow pain to run so deep and their minds to be so corrupted that any source of light and truth appears manipulative and offensive.
Maybe the theme of this post isn't so much about the dangers of locking ourselves away in mental and emotional solitude, as much as it is about the tendency to rely on experience as a basis for truth. I once read that "experience is the mother of all deception". In the Wesleyan Quadrilateral, which many theologians use to develop doctrines of faith, there is a system of using Scripture, Tradition, Experience, and Reason to formulate a belief system. It's what I try to employ in my life as much as possible. The way it is supposed to work is more like a pyramid than a quadrilateral. Scripture is supreme and ranks 1st above everything else. Tradition comes in 2nd as it is the "living faith of the dead" (not 'the dead faith of the living' as it has become in many denominations *cough*Catholicism*cough*). Experience is at the bottom, but nonetheless very important. Finally, Reason is supposed to be used throughout the other three sections of the pyramid, sort of like a common thread holding it all together. No piece of the pyramid should be implemented without a great deal of rational thought. That is why experience is so tricky because it is so so so subjective. Yet we, as individuals in our nature, tend to tip the scales in favor of our own personal, subjective experiences rather than scripture and tradition outweighing experience by several tons. The more we dwell on our experiences, shut out the traditions of believers who have thrived before us, and ignore the Word of God, the more we will be apt to slip into the abyss of our own prideful mindset that dictates just how profoundly intelligent all of our views are on everything under the sun.
I do love, with all my heart, several people in this world who have been so damaged by what this life has thrown at them that they have retreated into the ramparts of their minds. It's dark and quiet and lonely, but so very safe. They put up a veneer of strength in solace and adopt a slogan of "proud to be going it alone" or "rugged individualism" that has been celebrated by our culture for so long, but it is so utterly false. Their lives lean on shaking beams beneath a foundation they created from their own shattered hearts...
I'm sort of at the end of my rope and reaching for another as I continue to love these people and give them all I have to give. Beyond that, all I can think to do is sit and pray, and pray, and pray that God kicks down the walls these people have fought so hard to build around their hearts and try to prevent others from walking down a similar path. I hope you will pray with me and continue to hope for better things for all the lost and broken people working so hard to protect themselves rather than surrender to the abundant safety that only lies within the arms of our Savior.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Remain Changed
A good friend of mine recently told me how unsatisfied he was with his job. I wanted to look him straight in the face and reiterate the fact that I work as a background actor. Unsatisfying is in the job description, as well as "Must be as unnoticeable as possible" and "Should feel comfortable being demeaned by all manner of coworkers, including but not limited to small children." However, I felt comparing my humble position to his prestigious employment wouldn't help raise his spirits any. He makes great money, works in exciting environments, and is constantly challenged to come up with innovative solutions to dynamic problems. It's a dream job in many ways. However, it's his first job working outside of a Christian organization. This may not sound like a big deal but it is to him, and I completely understand. It's hard going to work each day when your job carries with it no deeper meaning, no clear goal to advance the Kingdom of God. For someone who has spent their whole life working in a Churchesque setting, it is truly like being a fish out of water.
People use their faith as an excuse to avoid doing all sorts of things, such as swearing, drinking, working on weekends, going certain places or even being in relationships. To be quite honest, I don't think our faith is as restrictive as we've made it out to be (Note: when I reference "faith" I'm focusing on American, evangelical Christianity). Mark Driscoll uses the analogy of God giving us a spacious yard to play in and simply telling us to "Have fun, but be careful going into the street", but then we came along and built fence upon fence with our rules and restrictions until our religion turned God's yard into something more like a prison. We were scared of what it meant to be so close to the street and so far from the safety of the house. As a result, hardly anyone nowadays wants to come play in the restrictive yard of the Christians, and the Christians are too afraid to go play in anybody else's yard due to their exposure to the street.
I think Satan likes to twist our faith into fear as much as possible. He wants to make us so unsure of ourselves and the ways in which we are serving God that we become paralyzed by indecision. "I don't know what I want to do for a career, I just want to serve God." "It's a great opportunity, but I just don't know if it's God's will for my life." "I'm just living here until I figure out what God's calling for me is." As a recent college graduate, I hear stuff like this from my friends constantly. To be honest, I've said things just like this in the past as well. What I've learned the hard way is that there is no temporary aspect of God's will. He doesn't work in the short term. His plan transcends time, there is no beginning nor end, it is only now. We, however, do not have the luxury of His foresight. We are bound by time and all too often we obsess over it.
Okay, right now you may be thinking those are three completely unrelated paragraphs. Trust me, they have everything to do with each other. My friend is unsure of his place in life because he can't point to a mission statement in his company's profile that clearly defines their goal to advance the Kingdom of God. Due to his company's lack of religious ties, he feels as though he is outsides of God's grand mission in the World. He is used to playing in the yard clearly devoted to staying within God's will and now that he is in the much bigger, more diverse yard of the secular community he feels unsure of himself. There are so many people around him who run carelessly into the street. For the first time, he is witnessing people freely wreck their lives by choosing to run from the Lord. Like a man who is used to being in prison all his life, he doesn't know what to do on the outside. He is Brooks Hatlen...
My friend's faith is obvious. He wouldn't hesitate to tell you he's a believer. That's what makes it hard when he tells people what he does for a living. His basic job description has no reference to the Great Commission, so he has to write it in there himself. That's hard to do sometimes because we don't usually enjoy being liberal with our faith because liberal faith is often the most heavily scrutinized by other believers. 1 Corinthians 7:17-24 says,
"Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God's commands is what counts. Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them. Were you a slave when you were called? Don't let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord's freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ's slave. You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them."
God calls people to live and work in almost every imaginable occupation. The book of Esther is all about a woman of God who is randomly selected to be part of King Xerxes harem and eventually becomes the Queen of Persia and saves the entire Jewish race. Can you think of anyplace a young Jewish girl would feel more out of place and far from God than in King Xerxes bedroom? Somehow we've gotten so caught up in the false clarity we get from the black and white, religious rules and restrictions that we become scared of what life looks like in color. What if we sought to be Christians such as Esther, Christians who live and work in places that seem so contrary to our nature? What if we were Christians who stayed put, who stood firm right where God took such great care to place us? Paul wrote that he "became all things to all men" so that he may save as many people as possible (1Cor9:22). He also urged us to imitate him (1Cor4:16), making it clear that it is our duty to be in as many diverse places ministering to as many diverse people as possible. We may have to fortify our conscience to do so, but it's a necessary step towards being the most effective modern day disciples we can be.
I watched a documentary the other day called Holly Rollers, which is about a group of card-counting, Christian Blackjack players who profit from gambling in order to support their ministries (they don't believe it's gambling but rather a science). They would take weekend trips to Vegas, Atlantic City, Reno, Tahoe, etc. and make hundreds of thousands of dollars in a team composed of investors, managers, and players. It was fascinating, to say the least. What intrigued me the most was that one of the men became so disgusted by all that the Casino lifestyle represented that he eventually had to quit the team and return to full time ministry in the Church. While I empathize with his decision, part of me felt like Christians do this way too often. We get overwhelmed by watching the secular community live such meaningless lives that we revert back to the familiar ways of our Christian bubbles. I think we should instead be trying to overwhelm the meaningless lives of the secular community with beauty and the purpose with which we live our lives. There's something special about being in the minority. There's something wonderful about sneaking the mission of God into a place that has nothing to do with the mission of God. We are frequently driven out of those places not because of unbelievers, but because of our own fear, doubt, and insecurity.
We are where we are for a very specific reason. God never brings us anywhere without a divine purpose. Just like comedy, with God's will timing is everything. While this life may seem like a cruel joke sometimes or that there is no possible way God could intended for us to be where we are, it's probably only because we aren't paying attention. Let's stay put for a second. God changed us and is continually changing us so that we can be a catalyst right where we are and everywhere we go.
People use their faith as an excuse to avoid doing all sorts of things, such as swearing, drinking, working on weekends, going certain places or even being in relationships. To be quite honest, I don't think our faith is as restrictive as we've made it out to be (Note: when I reference "faith" I'm focusing on American, evangelical Christianity). Mark Driscoll uses the analogy of God giving us a spacious yard to play in and simply telling us to "Have fun, but be careful going into the street", but then we came along and built fence upon fence with our rules and restrictions until our religion turned God's yard into something more like a prison. We were scared of what it meant to be so close to the street and so far from the safety of the house. As a result, hardly anyone nowadays wants to come play in the restrictive yard of the Christians, and the Christians are too afraid to go play in anybody else's yard due to their exposure to the street.
I think Satan likes to twist our faith into fear as much as possible. He wants to make us so unsure of ourselves and the ways in which we are serving God that we become paralyzed by indecision. "I don't know what I want to do for a career, I just want to serve God." "It's a great opportunity, but I just don't know if it's God's will for my life." "I'm just living here until I figure out what God's calling for me is." As a recent college graduate, I hear stuff like this from my friends constantly. To be honest, I've said things just like this in the past as well. What I've learned the hard way is that there is no temporary aspect of God's will. He doesn't work in the short term. His plan transcends time, there is no beginning nor end, it is only now. We, however, do not have the luxury of His foresight. We are bound by time and all too often we obsess over it.
Okay, right now you may be thinking those are three completely unrelated paragraphs. Trust me, they have everything to do with each other. My friend is unsure of his place in life because he can't point to a mission statement in his company's profile that clearly defines their goal to advance the Kingdom of God. Due to his company's lack of religious ties, he feels as though he is outsides of God's grand mission in the World. He is used to playing in the yard clearly devoted to staying within God's will and now that he is in the much bigger, more diverse yard of the secular community he feels unsure of himself. There are so many people around him who run carelessly into the street. For the first time, he is witnessing people freely wreck their lives by choosing to run from the Lord. Like a man who is used to being in prison all his life, he doesn't know what to do on the outside. He is Brooks Hatlen...
My friend's faith is obvious. He wouldn't hesitate to tell you he's a believer. That's what makes it hard when he tells people what he does for a living. His basic job description has no reference to the Great Commission, so he has to write it in there himself. That's hard to do sometimes because we don't usually enjoy being liberal with our faith because liberal faith is often the most heavily scrutinized by other believers. 1 Corinthians 7:17-24 says,
"Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God's commands is what counts. Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them. Were you a slave when you were called? Don't let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord's freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ's slave. You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them."
God calls people to live and work in almost every imaginable occupation. The book of Esther is all about a woman of God who is randomly selected to be part of King Xerxes harem and eventually becomes the Queen of Persia and saves the entire Jewish race. Can you think of anyplace a young Jewish girl would feel more out of place and far from God than in King Xerxes bedroom? Somehow we've gotten so caught up in the false clarity we get from the black and white, religious rules and restrictions that we become scared of what life looks like in color. What if we sought to be Christians such as Esther, Christians who live and work in places that seem so contrary to our nature? What if we were Christians who stayed put, who stood firm right where God took such great care to place us? Paul wrote that he "became all things to all men" so that he may save as many people as possible (1Cor9:22). He also urged us to imitate him (1Cor4:16), making it clear that it is our duty to be in as many diverse places ministering to as many diverse people as possible. We may have to fortify our conscience to do so, but it's a necessary step towards being the most effective modern day disciples we can be.
I watched a documentary the other day called Holly Rollers, which is about a group of card-counting, Christian Blackjack players who profit from gambling in order to support their ministries (they don't believe it's gambling but rather a science). They would take weekend trips to Vegas, Atlantic City, Reno, Tahoe, etc. and make hundreds of thousands of dollars in a team composed of investors, managers, and players. It was fascinating, to say the least. What intrigued me the most was that one of the men became so disgusted by all that the Casino lifestyle represented that he eventually had to quit the team and return to full time ministry in the Church. While I empathize with his decision, part of me felt like Christians do this way too often. We get overwhelmed by watching the secular community live such meaningless lives that we revert back to the familiar ways of our Christian bubbles. I think we should instead be trying to overwhelm the meaningless lives of the secular community with beauty and the purpose with which we live our lives. There's something special about being in the minority. There's something wonderful about sneaking the mission of God into a place that has nothing to do with the mission of God. We are frequently driven out of those places not because of unbelievers, but because of our own fear, doubt, and insecurity.
We are where we are for a very specific reason. God never brings us anywhere without a divine purpose. Just like comedy, with God's will timing is everything. While this life may seem like a cruel joke sometimes or that there is no possible way God could intended for us to be where we are, it's probably only because we aren't paying attention. Let's stay put for a second. God changed us and is continually changing us so that we can be a catalyst right where we are and everywhere we go.
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