Reevaluate

Last week a friend of mine died. She was 23. Apparently, she took a three story fall from a rock climbing wall as she was working at a youth camp. I still don't quite know what to make of it.

I first met Nadyne my junior year at APU. She was my RA which would have normally meant that I would never see her nor develop a relationship with her, but Nadyne was different. She came by all the time in order to intentionally build relationships with 4 guys who would otherwise avoid every community meeting and organized event. She baked for us, watched movies with us, and even had late night conversations about war and the military as 3/4 of us were in ROTC at the time (I was in the process of getting out of it). We both had studied abroad in Spain and had strong critiques about Christian culture so we got along great.

I last saw her in May on the night that I graduated. She was at a party my friend was having for all of us that had graduated. We caught up a little bit but nothing serious because in my mind I always expect to see people again. Young people are supposed to live forever, right? I still can't imagine the Nadyne I talked to and bonded with lying on a stretcher in some hospital, broken and lifeless, or in a casket with friends and family gathered around saying their last goodbyes...but I can imagine her dancing and signing with her Father in Heaven, away from all the pain this world holds. I can imagine her asking God so many questions about life, the bible, theology, and creation. I can imagine her being happy right now and for all eternity.

Sometimes I wonder if she or I is the lucky one. Am I more fortunate to be on this earth a few days longer than her or is she the lucky one who got to go home early? Some days I just want to go home already. I'm tired of the hurt, pain, sorrow and disappointment this world brings. I'm looking forward to some brighter days, hopefully here but definitely there. I admire Paul who found his contentment in the Lord no matter where he was. I need to develop that ability in my own life. We all do, or else things like death and suffering become too much for any human heart to bear.

These past few months have been hard. I can't imagine what the next few months will be like for Nadyne's family...We all suffer hardships. I'm still trying to reevaluate my life and relationship with Christ to ensure that, no matter what happens, I am never broken beyond repair and that the Joy of the Lord never leaves me.