Humbled Colt

I lack humility. That is a basic statement for me that speaks volumes about what's wrong with me, and what's right with me (see there's the pride coming out). I know that I am far from perfect even though I am indeed a perfectionist. I guess that counts as being hypocritical? Who knows? I want so badly to be a vessel for Christ, to be completely open with everyone about everything I am but it scares me to death to even dream of doing so. Something about having a nice glossy veneer has always been appealing to me as people have usually looked at me as the clean-cut, white kid from the burbs who never experienced anything harmful or ever stepped out of line. However, at the same time I have always wanted to prove that I am troubled, dark and mysterious to those people as if that would raise my initial estimate in their books. When I work around celebrities my mind wanders as to how I would handle their lives. I like to think that I would do all the right things, speak out for Christ, spend my money conservatively and give lavishly to charities. I feel like I've seen all the famous people in the world do all the wrong things and that I could somehow be the exception. I could be the colt that Jesus rides into this world to proclaim His Gospel!!!

In Scripture it was prophesied that Jesus would ride the foal of a donkey, or a colt, into Jerusalem and He did in fact do so just before the end of His ministry (Mark 11: 7 for example). I always jokingly likened myself to this "colt" that Jesus road triumphantly into town to fulfill His destiny. Once, a teacher was talking about this story in class and when he got to the part where it read "Then they brought the colt to Jesus" I whispered over to a fellow classmate and pointed up at myself as if me and that colt had something in common. Just then the professor stopped to clarify that this colt could have also been labeled "an ass", being that it comes from the donkey family. What my professor did there, in so many words, was turn me from a noble vessel of Jesus' ministry to a stupid ass that someone tied to a gate and left to be stolen by a bunch of wandering apostles. I think it was the most appropriate lesson on humility I have ever been taught.

Life seems to do that to me though. Just when I am up, God lets the legs fall out from under my stool. Eventually, it seems like the goal is to just to get us to stop climbing up on the stool and be happy with Him being the only one seated above everyone else. I think He would even like it more if we started trying to get other people up on the stool so they can be nearer to Him. The only time we get to stay seated at the top is when we are giving all the glory to God and praising Him for what he does not only in our lives but the lives of our brothers and sisters. I've noticed that it is easy to say "Praise God" but even harder to say "Good for him/her" and really mean it. I want to be able to do those things with a clean heart and a clear conscious. To be truly proud of other people's accomplishments and give God every ounce of glory for the things I accomplish in this life through the gifts and talents He has given me.

It is very possible that my success in this life will be very simple and ordinary, maybe they will be greater if He chooses, or possibly I wont live to see tomorrow. In the end, I just want to be proud that God loved me enough to send His Son to die for me and that I did my best to live out His will for my life so I can hear "Well done my good and faithful servant." Right now, I have big dreams. But maybe someday soon those dreams will align with the dreams of my Father. I hope and pray that He gives me the humility to sacrifice all that I would want to do in this life and take up what it is He wants me to do with this gift we call life.

For now, this is just my humbling shot in the dark.