If I've realized anything from my upbringing it is that I will have a
tendency towards being self-centered, prideful and afraid. I don't say
that to blame the people who raised me but merely to point out the fact
that we human beings will inevitably pass on the bad just as we pass on
the good, and it's our job to mitigate the damage. Because of my
upbringing I will also have a tendency to be strong-willed, outspoken,
compassionate, and a vigilant advocate for justice.
Recently
I've been inspired to be more strategic about improving myself so I can
be the most effective instrument of the Lord as is humanly possible.
"The shape of our character is the shape of our future." and "The path
to freedom is paved by our character." I think about my character often.
Am I courageous? Do I have integrity? Is humility the foundation of my
spirituality? These are just three areas that I focus most of my
attention on, and I've found that humility is most likely the area that I
need the most amount of work. My struggle has been like a pendulum
swinging back and forth between overtly prideful misconduct followed by
an overcompensation of self-deprecating cowardice that leads me to hide
myself in the shadows as I avoid the good I can do in order to avoid the bad I might
do. However, I've learned now that "Humility doesn't require us to be
self-deprecating. Humility is not about having a low self-image or poor
self-esteem. Humility is about self-awareness."
Humility
is the perfect balance between standing to speak and sitting to listen.
I want to perfect that balance because "Humility not only draws others
to us, but draws God to us." On top of that, there is "perhaps no
characteristic more central to the heart of God than humility." Jesus
came to serve humanity yet He constantly stood up for the poor,
neglected people of society and never shied away from a confrontation.
All the right people were drawn to Him and all the wrong people cast
judgement on themselves by rejecting the Light.
Deep down, I truly want to be a great man.
I think of Joseph, David, Solomon, Peter, and Paul all being such cool
examples of great men. All too often I find myself telling God where I
would be most effective or what blessings should be applied to my life
in order to reach their level of greatness. Unfortunately, I've been
told that "If you are still relating to God through negotiations, you
have not yet found the path of humility." So I've done my best to leave
those ways behind and instead seek a humility that "leaves us empty."
Not empty in the sense that I am hollow, but rather teachable. I long to
have an attitude that leaves me joyful when I am being corrected by the
Father. I yearn for a spirit of submission that allows for God to tweak
and adjust my life's path every step of the way even when it's
uncomfortable, all for the end goal of glorifying His Kingdom to the
fullest extent and in the hopes that one more soul will be saved through
my joy, discomfort or even pain.
(These are my thoughts, hopes and prayers as I begin my Quest for Honor inspired by the book Uprising by Erwin McManus. Every quote that was used in this post is from Uprising.)
