"Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you so much for all
that you have laid before me over the years. For the trials, the pain,
the failure, the success, the friends, the family, and the love that has
surrounded me. You are good, and I ask that you forgive me for the many
times that I have forgotten this simple fact. For as good as you are, I
am equally scared, weak, and prone to wander from the assured safety
that is your warm and loving embrace. Thank you for being all that I am
not and for placing the potential in me to be all that you are. May you
bless me with a perspective confined by the hours of this present day
and consumed with these current moments filled with limitless
opportunities to be a vessel of your love and grace for those who need
it most. You are good, all the time, forever and ever, no matter what,
Amen."
I took walk down to the Americana tonight. It's a
walk I often take at night because I love the glow of the city lights
that line the entire path towards the retail mecca of Glendale. I also
enjoy the collection of Sinatra and other 50's jazz artists that play
along with a synchronized dancing water fountain and light show, much
like you'd find at the Bellagio. Most people go to the Americana to dine
at one of the swanky, overpriced restaurants or wander through the
aisles of trendy boutiques offering the latest and greatest styles of
this season. I never go for any of those things. While I enjoy the music, the
fountain, and even the aroma of the fancy foods I'll probably never eat,
what actually keeps me coming back night after night is the view. Not
of the frills, but of the people. I appreciate what the fountain,
the music and all the pretty lights do, for they keep everyone focused on external stimuli. They get out of their own heads, lower their guard if only for a moment, and
become...beautiful. They become who they were meant to be, and it is in
this form that I realize how much I value people. I love this creation
that God has made in His own image. They are so very lovely when they
aren't fighting over health care reforms, calling it quits on their
marriages, stressing over the stack of bills in the mail, or crashing
into each other on overcrowded streets.
I think most people
miss out on the view that I cherish so much. The view of friends having a
laugh over a meal, families playing on the grass, an elderly couple holding
hands or a brave young soul stealing his first kiss by a
fountain so cliché in its romantic appeal that it can't help but be
endearing. I'm going to sound very pitiful by saying this, but I
honestly find myself getting a little misty-eyed by all that goes on in
this wonderfully enigmatic place. Maybe it's because I'm alone most of
the time that I'm there. Who knows. I do envy what so many of the people
attending the Americana have, and that's not money, nice clothing, or
good food. It's other people. They have other people to do life with. I
want that. I'll never have enough people in my life. I want closer and
closer friendships, a larger family, and an intimate romance with someone
who can walk with me every step of the way in this journey of faith that
is my life.
I started this post with a prayer because I
feel as though genuine prayer gets our heads back on straight and focused up, right where
they belong. Often times we get so caught up in thinking about what we
want that we forget all that we've been given. The last year has
been...well, it's been the last year and there's no appropriate way of
describing it. I guess the best way I could describe it is with a sigh, a
shrug, and a very coy smile. God is good. Even when the car that I
love, my most valuable possession since I was 16, the means by which I
earn a living, is taken away in such an unjust manner that most would
feel justified to look up and curse the heavens for dealing out such rotten luck, God is still good. Even when living circumstances and job
security fluctuate daily, God is still good. Even when the lonliness creeps in from every angle, God is still good. Speaking of being good, I'm pretty good at
acknowledging how good God is when it's obvious that God is being good
to me, like if I get a great job, or am given a new car, or a friend
lets me live with them for free. I'm still learning to remember how good God is when all that stuff gets taken away. I'm a veteran believer when
it's 75 degrees out and sunny, but when the storm hits I can't help but think I'm
still a rookie when it comes to this Christianity thing.
God can
take a lot of things away from us. In this life, it's pretty much a
guarantee that He will take a lot from us, but that means much will be
given as well. However, what He will never take away from us, because
it's His essence, is our love for one another. That's why I believe it's
the only thing truly valuable in this life. Everything else is just
stuff. There's a line in a Mumford & Sons song that goes "Where you
invest your love, you invest your life." It's not a new idea and it's
certainly biblical, but there's something about singing it in that
intense, folky manner that they do so well that makes it stick in my mind. I
want to invest in Christ, that's obvious. But I also want to throw my
life savings into people. Yes, God can take people away through death
and other various accidents, but He doesn't take away their love. The
love of another human being stays with you forever. We take turns
tattooing our names on each other's hearts, and while some do it more aggressively
than others, true love always leaves its mark.
So all
that to say, I'm learning to accept that God will continue to take away
my stuff only to remind me again and again of that which is of true value in this life: To leave a mark of love on someone's heart. That, I believe, can never be taken away.
